Sitting on my bed scrolling through my phone I felt a sharp pang of jealousy when one of my friends announced on Facebook that she is pregnant. The couple had only been married 10 weeks and she was 8 weeks pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for them. I only wish it was that easy for me to become pregnant.
There are couples that get pregnant easily and then there are couples that have a much harder time getting pregnant. My husband and I are one of the couples having a harder time.
Jason and I got married 3 years ago and he was eager to have kids just months after the ceremony. To be fair, he is 7 years older than me and approaching the age of 40, so he sometimes feels like it's now or never for having kids. Me on the other hand, I have not been in a rush to have children. I wanted to savor the time that it was just the two of us. At least for a couple years before we brought in any little darlings.
The Struggle
I struggle with Anxiety and Major Depression. Shortly after getting married I went through a really hard time with my health. Our first two years together I was in and out of the hospital and went through 2 Intensive Outpatient Programs. Needless to say there was no way that I could’ve handled going through a pregnancy during that time. Luckily, God has blessed me with the most incredible husband and we decided to wait to start a family and instead focused on getting me physically and mentally healthy.
As I write this entry my husband and I are entering our third year of marriage. Praise God my health is improving. As I get better the more my mind is turning towards starting a family. Jason and I both feel it's a good time to start a family and we've been unofficially trying to get pregnant for about 10 months now.
Since we've been trying there have been a couple times when I thought I may be pregnant. Unfortunately, not long after I was convinced that we had finally done it, my period would always show up. Then, 4 months ago my period stopped and didn't come back.
After 2 months with no menstrual cycle I again thought that we were finally pregnant, but test after test came back negative. I made an appointment to see my doctor after 2 1/2 months without having a period.
During the appointment my OBGYN confirmed I was not pregnant. I asked her how I could get my period regular again. She said the only way to regulate my period was to go on birth control. I had told her that Jason and I were trying to have a baby, but maybe she had forgot, so I said, “But I can’t get pregnant if I’m taking birth control.” To which she replied that there really wasn't any other options.
It was hard for me to believe that with all of the advances in modern medicine there was no way to regulate my period without taking birth control. Apparently I am mistaken though because the OBGYN matter of factly stated that with an irregular period I may not be able to get pregnant naturally and should consider other options such as adoption or In Vitro Fertilization.
I was shocked and truly sad at the realization that I may not be able to have a baby. Another month and a half passed by without my period starting. Despite what the OBGYN had said, I still hoped that somehow my body would fix itself.
Prayer Requests
Then, a week ago, I lay in bed next to my husband trying to quiet my mind and fall asleep. I hadn’t been praying recently and it had been months since I read the Bible. I think that secretly I was starting to give up on being close to God. The last few years had really robbed me of my joy and my faith was shaken. Things had been getting better in the last year but I was still very broken and now I may not even be able to give Jason the family that he so wanted.
You know that story in the Bible about the prodigal son? It's in Luke 15:11-32. After demanding his inheritance and leaving his father's house to live on his own the prodigal son was struggling, starving, and eating pig slop to stay alive. After enduring this for a time the son finally decided to humble himself before his father and beg to be allowed to come back into his father's house as his father's servant. When his father (who I think was waiting for his son to return) saw his son in the distance he was "filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him."
I am often just like the prodigal son. I distance myself from God thinking that I can live on my own only to end up in the lowest points of my life. At rock bottom I finally decide to humble myself and turn back to God. As soon as I turn to start the long hard climb back to my Heavenly Father, He is right there, embracing me.
So, I took myself off the throne of my life and asked for help. “Honey," I turned to face my husband's back. "I want us to pray about starting a family. Whether God wants us to adopt or do In Vitro or have kids naturally.” Jason turned to face me, hugged me tight, and we lifted the prayer before our Heavenly Father.
Every night since then I’ve brought my request before God saying something to the effect of, “My thoughts are not Your thoughts, and my ways are not Your ways. For Your ways are higher than my ways and Your thoughts higher than my thoughts. Help me to know Your will about Jason and me starting a family. Whether we should have kids naturally or whether we should adopt or try In Vitro. Whether is it your will or your timing that we should have kids at all…. And please make it really obvious, Lord, because you know how stubborn I can be.”
A few days later, my period came back.
Pushing on Closed Doors
The morning I started my period I was so happy that I starting singing God’s praises in the shower. Then a little later, the doubt set in. Is this God saying that I’m going to get pregnant or did my period just come back and I still can’t have kids? If I can have kids and I want to adopt can I do both?
I had recently started reading a blog about one couple’s journey of adopting a child from Japan. I have always wanted to adopt a baby from Japan but every time I looked I could never find an adoption agency who handled adoptions from Japan but the blog (which was from 2012-2014) named the adoption agency that they used. They're still in business!
I had a feeling that maybe I was rushing into things and wasn't really waiting for or listening to God's answer. But my husband and I are on a time crunch and why wait for the door to open when I could give it a little push myself? To adopt a baby from Japan both adopting parents have to be under the age of 45. In the blog I had read it took the couple 2 years to get a baby and my husband is only a few short years away from passing the allowable age to adopt.
I emailed the agency to see if they were accepting applications for international adoption. A couple days passed and I hadn’t heard back from the adoption agency, so I started searching once again for an agency that handled adoptions from Japan. It took an hour or two but I finally found one! So I sent the agency a quick email then started researching international adoption more thoroughly.
A little bit into my research of International Adoptions I came across the US Department of State Intercountry Adoption page. The most prominent part of the page was the Recent Adoption News and Notices section. I briefly glanced over the article titles. An notice released on April 2, 2018 caught my attention. It was titled “Adoption Notice: Accreditation Renewal Refusal for agency XXXXXXX, agency XXXXXXXXXX, and agency XXXXXXX. (Out of respect for the agencies I won't be listing their names.)
Prayer Requests
Then, a week ago, I lay in bed next to my husband trying to quiet my mind and fall asleep. I hadn’t been praying recently and it had been months since I read the Bible. I think that secretly I was starting to give up on being close to God. The last few years had really robbed me of my joy and my faith was shaken. Things had been getting better in the last year but I was still very broken and now I may not even be able to give Jason the family that he so wanted.
You know that story in the Bible about the prodigal son? It's in Luke 15:11-32. After demanding his inheritance and leaving his father's house to live on his own the prodigal son was struggling, starving, and eating pig slop to stay alive. After enduring this for a time the son finally decided to humble himself before his father and beg to be allowed to come back into his father's house as his father's servant. When his father (who I think was waiting for his son to return) saw his son in the distance he was "filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him."
I am often just like the prodigal son. I distance myself from God thinking that I can live on my own only to end up in the lowest points of my life. At rock bottom I finally decide to humble myself and turn back to God. As soon as I turn to start the long hard climb back to my Heavenly Father, He is right there, embracing me.
So, I took myself off the throne of my life and asked for help. “Honey," I turned to face my husband's back. "I want us to pray about starting a family. Whether God wants us to adopt or do In Vitro or have kids naturally.” Jason turned to face me, hugged me tight, and we lifted the prayer before our Heavenly Father.
Every night since then I’ve brought my request before God saying something to the effect of, “My thoughts are not Your thoughts, and my ways are not Your ways. For Your ways are higher than my ways and Your thoughts higher than my thoughts. Help me to know Your will about Jason and me starting a family. Whether we should have kids naturally or whether we should adopt or try In Vitro. Whether is it your will or your timing that we should have kids at all…. And please make it really obvious, Lord, because you know how stubborn I can be.”
A few days later, my period came back.
Pushing on Closed Doors
The morning I started my period I was so happy that I starting singing God’s praises in the shower. Then a little later, the doubt set in. Is this God saying that I’m going to get pregnant or did my period just come back and I still can’t have kids? If I can have kids and I want to adopt can I do both?
I had recently started reading a blog about one couple’s journey of adopting a child from Japan. I have always wanted to adopt a baby from Japan but every time I looked I could never find an adoption agency who handled adoptions from Japan but the blog (which was from 2012-2014) named the adoption agency that they used. They're still in business!
I had a feeling that maybe I was rushing into things and wasn't really waiting for or listening to God's answer. But my husband and I are on a time crunch and why wait for the door to open when I could give it a little push myself? To adopt a baby from Japan both adopting parents have to be under the age of 45. In the blog I had read it took the couple 2 years to get a baby and my husband is only a few short years away from passing the allowable age to adopt.
I emailed the agency to see if they were accepting applications for international adoption. A couple days passed and I hadn’t heard back from the adoption agency, so I started searching once again for an agency that handled adoptions from Japan. It took an hour or two but I finally found one! So I sent the agency a quick email then started researching international adoption more thoroughly.
A little bit into my research of International Adoptions I came across the US Department of State Intercountry Adoption page. The most prominent part of the page was the Recent Adoption News and Notices section. I briefly glanced over the article titles. An notice released on April 2, 2018 caught my attention. It was titled “Adoption Notice: Accreditation Renewal Refusal for agency XXXXXXX, agency XXXXXXXXXX, and agency XXXXXXX. (Out of respect for the agencies I won't be listing their names.)
Yes, you guessed it, the adoption agency that the couple from the blog had used and was my preferred agency was listed on the notice. Their Accreditation renewal had been refused and they wouldn’t be able to handle any international adoptions for who knows how long.
Then I saw the latest notice which was released on April 13th 2018 titled “Adoption Notice: Japan." Wow, a notice for the whole country? So I read it:
The Department of State is currently reviewing Japanese law regarding the transfer of custody of a child without a court order, which may affect a child’s eligibility for an adoption-based visa under the Immigration and Nationality Act. The Department urges families with pending I-600 petitions and immigrant visa applications based on the transfer of custody of children - if such applications do not involve a court order - to consider deferring their travel to Japan to complete the visa process at this time. The Department also urges adoption agencies not to make new referrals to U.S. prospective adoptive parents in such cases until further notice.
Please continue to monitor adoption.state.gov for updated information.
Just to be sure that I had received the message the same day I also got a response from the only other agency I’d found. It read:
Melissa, unfortunately the US Department of State is currently investigating the legal process of placing children with families internationally and has asked agencies to hold on accepting new families. When we have guidance from them on how they would like us to proceed we can begin accepting families into our program again.
“So, God… I'm getting the feeling you’re telling me not to adopt from Japan right now?”
Moving On
I admit it, I was and still am disappointed that my adoption dreams were halted before they really even started. You know what I realized though? I realized that God had begun answering my prayer. I had asked Him if Jason and I should adopt. He answered “Not right now”. He also heard my request to make His answer very obvious. I am constantly amazed that God chooses to hear us when we pray. Who am I that the God and maker of the universe would care for me, listen to my prayers, and answer them.
So far adoption has been a “no” or at the very least “not now”. Maybe getting pregnant and In Vitro will be "No" or "Not now" too. No matter the answer, I know I serve a holy God and a loving Father. Your will be done, Lord.
So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. 1 Peter 5:6,7
Then I saw the latest notice which was released on April 13th 2018 titled “Adoption Notice: Japan." Wow, a notice for the whole country? So I read it:
The Department of State is currently reviewing Japanese law regarding the transfer of custody of a child without a court order, which may affect a child’s eligibility for an adoption-based visa under the Immigration and Nationality Act. The Department urges families with pending I-600 petitions and immigrant visa applications based on the transfer of custody of children - if such applications do not involve a court order - to consider deferring their travel to Japan to complete the visa process at this time. The Department also urges adoption agencies not to make new referrals to U.S. prospective adoptive parents in such cases until further notice.
Please continue to monitor adoption.state.gov for updated information.
Just to be sure that I had received the message the same day I also got a response from the only other agency I’d found. It read:
Melissa, unfortunately the US Department of State is currently investigating the legal process of placing children with families internationally and has asked agencies to hold on accepting new families. When we have guidance from them on how they would like us to proceed we can begin accepting families into our program again.
“So, God… I'm getting the feeling you’re telling me not to adopt from Japan right now?”
Moving On
I admit it, I was and still am disappointed that my adoption dreams were halted before they really even started. You know what I realized though? I realized that God had begun answering my prayer. I had asked Him if Jason and I should adopt. He answered “Not right now”. He also heard my request to make His answer very obvious. I am constantly amazed that God chooses to hear us when we pray. Who am I that the God and maker of the universe would care for me, listen to my prayers, and answer them.
So far adoption has been a “no” or at the very least “not now”. Maybe getting pregnant and In Vitro will be "No" or "Not now" too. No matter the answer, I know I serve a holy God and a loving Father. Your will be done, Lord.
So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. 1 Peter 5:6,7
