Are Godly Relationships Possible?

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Lately I have been considering relationships. Most predominantly, the special God given relationship between a man and a woman. As I thought on this subject, I found myself with an overabundance of questions and very few answers. How does one begin, grow, and maintain such a union in a Godly way? Can it be done? What does it look like?

The Folly of Searching

Looking back on all the relationships of myself and my friends, I can safely say that this is a struggle shared by most, if not all. Where can I find a good man?

²² Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. – Genesis 2:22

“God will bring them to you.” This phrase has been said to me by every married sister in Christ that I have ever spoken to on the subject of marriage. Yet I still looked. I still searched on my own for who “God” had planned for me.

The search for a mate slowly became my focus. My eyes would stray from the face of my Lord and Savior to scan those around Him for a possible connection. Every new face that came through the church doors was a potential boyfriend. Instead of focusing on God during the sermon, I would be scheming about ways to introduce myself to the cute new guy. Instead of reflecting the image of Jesus, I tried to reflect an image of worldly beauty. As the disciple Peter found out, taking your eyes off God, is never a good thing.

I like to imagine that when Adam awoke from his deep sleep, he saw the Lord walking towards him in the distance. As Adam and the Lord got closer to each other and Adam looked upon the face of the Lord, Adam all of a sudden noticed that the Lord was holding the hand of another person. Adam saw the Lord first, and in keeping his focus on the Lord he was able to see Eve.

Eve was with God, if Adam had been searching for her in another place, he would not have found her. In the same way, we must seek God first, and when the time is right, He will bring us to our spouse.

I Only Attract Bad Ones

I am so grateful that all my attempts to attract a mate have been unsuccessful. Why? Because I was trying to catch a guy with worldly bait. Beauty, wit, fun, mystery and so on. None of these are bad things when based in Christ. Apart from Christ, they are dangerous. Worldly beauty becomes skimpy clothes and sexual desire. Worldly fun will have you getting drunk and throwing all inhibitions to the wind.

Ask a Christian girl to recite her list of standards for her future husband and #1 will always be “He Must Love God”. So, why do Christian girls think that worldly bait will catch anything except a worldly man?

3 Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. - 1 Peter 3:3-4

It seemed that all my Christian sisters found the man God had intended for them at the same time that they stopped searching for him. Now I know why. It is only when our focus is on God that we reflect the person of our Lord Jesus Christ. That is the only bait that a Godly man will accept.

A Helper Comparable

¹⁸ And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”¹⁹ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. – Genesis 2:18-20

It wasn’t long before my impatience led me to seek a partner in places where a Christian should not be, let alone searching there for a partner. My standards became lower out of desperation. I began to consider those “not comparable” to me, as a viable option.

Some Bible translations use the word “suitable” in place of “comparable”. It is so important that partners be suitable/comparable to one another. Could you imagine if Adam had not trusted God as he did and settled for a Kangaroo instead of waiting for God to bring him Eve?

Christians and non Christians are as unsuitable and incomparable to each other as humans and kangaroos. Christians and nominal or luke-warm Christians are just as unsuitable and incomparable.

¹⁴ Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? – 2 Corinthians 6:14

More to Come

The desire for a relationship between a man and a woman is built into all of us. It is engrained and powerful. It is not evil or something shameful to be avoided. We are surrounded by people in its different stages. God is a perfect and loving father. He will not withhold any good thing from us. It may be hard for those in the beginning stages, those who have not been presented with their companion, but we must wait, keeping our eyes focused on our Father and trust that in His time He will bring one comparable to us.

In the beginning of this post I asked, "How does one begin, grow, and maintain such a union in a Godly way?" My thoughts on this topic are so long that I decided to break it up into those three categories.Begin, Grow, and Maintain. This post focused on Begin and I hope to post the others soon! Thank you for reading!