Eclipse

Twilight fever has once again descended into our city. Am I opposed to it, umm no not really. The books that I have read of the Twilight series were very good. Good story, good plot, and good characters. The movies on the other hand are a little bit different. There are highlights to the movies like Alice, Jasper and the man who plays Mr. Cullen, who are fantastic and I think well worth the ticket price.

I dropped my friends and Twilight fanatics off at the movie theater. The time 7:30pm 4 1/2 hours before the movie started. Now, I'm a fan of Twilight and I'm all for getting good seats but there is no way I was about to spend the equivalent of half a work day in line for said seats.

Waiting for the first movie was awesome, we arrived at 11pm and still got good seats. The wait time for the 2nd movie was pushing it when we arrived at 9pm got just as good of seats for the first movie but waited twice as long. So this year when my friends said be in line by 7pm my first thought was "This is crazy!"

Anyway, I dropped my psychotic friends off at 7:30pm so they could wait in line and then went home to wait it out in comfort. I tried to take a nap so I could be awake for this one but alas it just wasn't going to happen. I actually ended up leaving at 8:45pm so not much was gained by my rebellion.

When I got to the movie theater I stopped by the Taco Bell that was next door, got a crunchwrap supreme and a soda then parked. A couple spaces away from me I noticed a PT Cruiser with a sticker in the window that read "I drive like a Cullen" and they parked like one too. Oh and just a side note, never eat a crunchwrap supreme from the bottom up! It doesn't work and you get melted cheese, meat and sourcream all over your shirt. That being said when I finally left the car to join the others I looked like a Taco Bell bum.

Girls, girls, girls and the occasional but rare male or reluctant boyfriend. That is what filled both lines around the movie theater. It was craziness but I eventually found my friends near the front of the line playing a game of Bullcrud.

After waiting an hour or so in line the one of the ticket takers came and asked what show time we were waiting for. We had 12:05am but they were letting 12:06am into the theater. So we waited anxiously for them to come back and call our time and we waited and waited and still nothing. Finally we sent Nicole to check on our tickets only to be informed that our time had already gone into the theater and apparently we, and when I say we I mean they, had camped out in the wrong line. Hours of waiting for nothing lol

We get into the theater and of course there are no good seats left. The only ones available are in the very front or the sides. The sides win but there are so many of us (6) that we ended up splitting into groups to get better seats.

The movie starts and may I just say that it was AWESOME! The best out of the three by far, tons of humor, action, and character development. I am so glad that the angst and Edward + Bella took a backseat. Disclaimer *I am definitely more of a Bella + Edward fan than a Bella + Jacob fan. Though Jacob did have alot of the best lines in the movie.

Jacob to Charlie: I kissed Bella...and she broke her hand...punching my face...it's just a misunderstanding.



I will post more about the movie when I see it again and hopefully am awake enough to remember most of it.

Trials

As I sit here on a comfy couch eating Korean food, tea brewing, and Ponyo playing in the background life seems peaceful and easy. Yet all I have to do is let my mind wonder in almost any direction and the cares of life, with all its worries and heartaches, come rushing in. Trials I thought I would never have to face I find myself in the midst of, but through these trials God has shown himself mightly.

As many of you now know, I am no longer engaged. The events and details of the break up is not going to be put on this blog but if you are interested you may ask me in person. It is a sad thing for me and something that I will be grieving for fiercely. But with that grief has come a peace that I cannot fully understand and I have come, at last, to rest in my Father's arms.

I hope in this post to encourage you that there are reasons for the trials that God sends your way. Remember that no trial can reach you before it first has gone through Jesus. "There is no circumstance, no trouble, no testing, that can ever touch me until, first of all it has gone past Christ and if it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose."

Reasons For Trials

1. To test/reveal the strength of our Faith. 2 Chronicles 32:31 says "God left him to test him that he might know all that was in his heart." The first thing that sturck me about this verse was that God does not need to test us to know what is in our hearts. He already knows and knows better than we do. So God tested him and tests us not so He, God, can know all that is in our hearts but so that we might come to know what is in our own hearts. How many movies have you seen or Bible stories have you read where the main character started out wimpy or normal (Gideon, Moses) or thinking that they could never do the task that was set before them (Frodo) only to come to find their true strength in the trials and tribulations that they faced. Like in Alice in Wonderland where Alice found the "impossible" task set before her of slaying the Jabberwalkee. How many men in the armed forces have gone in thinking themselves weak only to prove to themselves their strength for their country and families. The same goes for us when we face trials. Sometimes God sends us trials so that we may take a "spiritual inventory" as it were, to see how we have grown in Christ, and to reveal the strength of our faith.

Until the very moment I told my fiance I couldn't marry him I did not think I had the strength to do so. I looked into his tear filled eyes and thought "I cant tell him, I just can't. I can't hurt him like this." But I had faith that God would see me through this situation and I had faith in His perfect plan. It was only by this faith and His strength that I was able to say goodbye. This trial has helped me realize the strength of my faith and my love for God, I only hope that with enough practice I can confidently say that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

2. To humble us 2 Corinthians 12:7 "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me." This one is a hard one to swallow but I think it goes hand in hand with the first purpose. Not only do you find out your strengths when you go through trials but you also find out your weaknesses. From this trial I know that I am far from being where I need to be with Christ. I see more clearly now my shortcomings and feel more certainly the chinks in my armour.

3. To wean us away from worldly things Can you think of a better way to wean a child of God off of the things of this world than by trials? When trials come and we try desperately to cling to the things of this world we can only be dissapointed in them. We find out that nothing in this world works at lessening our despair or curing our discomfort. We are like a child who crys heartily for a toy but when we are hurt we learn all to quickly that the toy cannot comfort us and instead we reach for our Father.

4. Call us to an eternal hope, makes you want to go to heaven. Again, God shows His eternal wisdom and understanding of the human heart. If we find ourselves in a place that brings us nothing but pain and persecutuion why would we want to stay in that place? Trials bring about a new disinterest in the passing world. For those who are in pain they can look forward to a place with no pain. For those who have lost someone dear to the they can look forward to seeing them again in heaven. As you get older and closer to Christ, more and more things are being stored up for you and the more and more people will be waiting to see you again in heaven. "For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. Romans 8:22 -23

5. Reveal what we really love. This one kinda hits me right in the gut. I mean how often do we say that we love God above all things and then live our lives with ourselves first or our spouse or our children. If you claim that you love God first and foremost in your life you better be ready to prove it. Like Abraham was tested to see if he loved his son Isaac more than he loved God, so will you be tested. I remember telling my fiance that God would always be first in my life. I told him that but I wasn't really sure I believed it myself. When God asked me to choose I struggled harder than I ever have with a decision in my life. God knew who I loved more but now He wanted me to find out who I loved more. I once told my youth group that God is a jealous God and that if there is something in your life that you love more than Him He will remove it. He has to be first and I have found that trials are most often in the form of letting go of something you hold very dear or God taking away something very dear. Deuteronomy 13:3 "you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams; for the LORD your God is testing you to find out if you love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul." Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to Me, and does not [a]hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple." If you do not love God to the degree that you are willing, if necessary, to obey God despite the opinion or petitions of your mother, father, spouse, children, and your own feelings then you do not love God supremely and are not worthy to be the disciple of God. Ouch!

To be continued...

Hot Air

When I was young and still living in Tehachapi one of the things I remember was the hot air balloons that used to fill the sky once a year. It was so beautiful to see the huge flying contraptions lifting and setting down like feathers caught in the slight morning breeze. I used to watch them longingly from my bedroom window as they floated above the lakes and hills, houses and trees.

However, after last year my dreams of flying were laid to rest. I became scared of heights for fear that I would jump. If I were placed on anything but the 1st floor of a hotel I squeezed myself against the wall as I rushed to the elevator. I refused to open the window and felt my heart in my throat everytime I stepped out.

So back in April when my boyfriend got me up at an unholy hour and suprised me with a hotairballoon ride, I was more than a little nervous and even a little thankful when it was called off due to wind.

I thought I was off the hook until my boyfriend now my fiance told me that the hot airballoon company called him up and rescheduled the flight. Again my fears came back, resurrected with the hot air balloon ride.

After awhile my fiance and I broke up but because he had already paid for it and because neither of us had any hard feelings for eachother we decided to meet again for the scheduled ride. Well, Saturday June 26th came and again I found myself awake before the sun. I tried to be in bed by 8:30pm and I was but ended up laying there untired and most awake until 11:30pm. 4:00am came way too early but suprisingly I wasn't all that tired.

We drove an hour to Tracy and were 10 minutes late but they waited for us and we finally arrived. We got out of the car, met the two other people we would be flying with, an elderly couple whos daughters had given them the flight as a Father's day gift.


As they turned the gondola(the basket part of the balloon) and used a big fan to fill the baloon with air my nervousness started again. Would I be ok? Would I be able to be at such heights and not have the thoughts of self-harm. What was worse is that they made us sign a waiver that warned that such a flight was "perilous" and "could result in death". The waiver released them from any liability.

The balloon filled and fire spouted from nozzel. After saying a short prayer I got in into the gondolla and we took our positions. The captain told us to hold on tight and then he fired the torch for some long moments. The closeness of the flame I felt upon my head and it smelled as if I were blowdrying my hair. We lifted off the ground and though it was as smooth as silk my stomache turned.

As we rose higher and higher I grabbed tight to the ropes and looked down. I prayed and wrapped my other arm around Rossam's. The flight was wonderful and I had lots of fun. The best parts were the landings in which the captain would shout "hold tight" and the balloon would touch down giving us a little jolt only to rise up again and skip across the ground like a stone skipping across the water.

The Captain radio his ground crew to come pick us up in a field and low and behold the truck they were using got stuck in the mud on a small dirt road a few hundred feet from where we landed. I thought it quit hilarious but kept my giggles to myself.

While waiting for the captain to return from his ranch, which was a couple miles down the road, to get his other truck, the crew worked hurriedly to get the balloon in its carrying case. They then recruited Rossam to help them carry the gondola to the nearby road. He aggreed and the four of the carried the huge basket through the field... only to have Rossam fall into a ditch. lol


Once the other truck arrived and we made it back to the airport the captain poured us a small glass of champagne, pinned a balloon pin onto our shirts, and handed us a flight completed certificate. It was a great time and a wonderful experience thanks to a little prayer, a little healing, and a great God.

Japan

Almost since I can remember I have had a dream and a passion to go to Japan and preach God’s word its people. A dream because I have fallen in love with the culture, the language and the people and a passion because of the call I have received from Jesus Christ. I truly believe God has tailored my life to the missions’ field in Japan and here are a couple reasons why:

Japan has one of the highest if not the highest suicide rate in the world. The people have no hope and nothing to live for when all external comforts are lost. Back in 2004 I was diagnosed with chronic depression and an anxiety disorder. My brain doesn’t produce enough seritonin, or the “happy” chemical on its own and so I was prescribed medicine that I would have to take everyday to substitute for the shortage. Since then I have gone through 2 other serious cases of depression. The last one was in April of 2009 when my mom and step dad left to go to the Ukraine to do missions work and one of my best friends told me that he loved me, but he wasn’t a Christian so I had to tell him I couldn’t love him back and he left.

I felt all alone. To me it felt like everything had been lost. It was then that I started having thoughts like, “I wonder if anyone would notice if I was gone?” and “I’m so alone. I don’t want to be here anymore.” Things got worse and worse and eventually I couldn’t guarantee that I could keep myself safe. I soon found myself in a hospital for the suicidal and the mentally disturbed. I went in under a 72 hour watch. The whole time I was there I kept thinking that I didn’t belong and I would sit on my bed crying out to God asking why, if I was his child, was I going through this. Why hadn’t He cured me long ago and even now because I knew and I believed it was in His power to do so. It was then that my mind flashed back to that March day when I had just been accepted by JEMS to go on a mission trip to Japan. That day I had gotten on my knees before the Lord and asked that God give me a message to take to the people of Japan, a message that was powerful and that they desperately needed to hear. A message that was my own and that would reach their hearts. It was then that the lightbulb clicked on in my brain and God showed me that this, this was the message that He wanted me to bring to the people of Japan. He was grieved at the situation in Japan and He wanted to tell them that there is indeed hope when all things seem lost. There is someone to turn to when all others have left you and that he yearns to comfort your fears and your anxieties, he longs to mend your broken hearts.

There in that hospital, a peace filled my heart and mind. I knew it would be difficult, I knew I would struggle but I knew that God, my Father, would be there through it all. I left that hospital with a purpose. With the help of God, my friends and my church family I made it through to stand before you today. I won’t tell you that I don’t struggle anymore or that sometimes Satan’s thoughts don’t creep back into my mind but through His blood and with His power I am saved.

I am now finally planning to go on my first mission trip to Japan for 2 weeks late this year or early next. Please be in prayer for my health, both physical and mental. I know that God is going to do great things!

Down The Rabbit Hole

A friend of mine threw an Alice in Wonderland Tea Party yesterday. It was alot of fun and I will post more on it later but first I wanted to post on the actual movie itself.

The movie itself only ranks a 6 on my movie scale having little to no plot to raise its ratings. It starts with a young Alice interupting her father's business meeting due to a nightmare. She continually has nightmares about falling down a huge hole, seeing a white rabbit, meeting strange creatures, and talking to a blue catapiller. The father listens attentively and then comforts her in very cute display of their loving and understanding father/daughter relationship.

I often find my mind wandering during such scenes, not out of boredom or lack of interest mind you. My mind wanders during these kinds of scenes because of the rarety of finding them in real life. In my mind there is almost nothing in the world as important or as special as a bond between father and daughter. It is from the dad that a girl recieves her strength and the picture of what she wants from a future husband. Yet these bonds grow looser and looser each generation and rarer and rarer to find. So my mind wanders to girls I know or even myself to some degree who would love to have what is playing on the screen infront of me.

After this we see Alice, now 19 years old, driving in a coach with her mother to a party that she apparently doesn't want to go to. The mother scorns her for not wearing a corsett or stockings and we find out that her father has since died and is very much missed by Alice.



Alice eventually ends up going down the rabbit hole and finds herself once again in Wonderland. There she finds the White Rabbit, the Doormouse and Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum awaiting her. They take her to Absolum (the Blue Catapiller) to ask him if she is indeed the "real Alice". They need the Alice who came to their world before because it was predicted in their calander that she would return once again to slay The Jabberwalkee and free the inhabitants from the Red Queen's tyranicle reign. When asked if she is the "real Alice" Absolum answers "Not hardly" and then vanishes.

To make a long story short Alice goes through many trials in order to rescue the Mad Hatter from the Red Queen, which she fails, and then make her way to the White Queen's castle. Once there she is again told that she must fight The Jabberwocky with the legendary Vorpal Sword which she retrieved from the Red Queen's castle.


Alice again meets Absolum who tells her that she is indeed the "real Alice" and that when asked about him denying she was the real Alice in the beginning he says, "I never said you were not Alice, I said you were harldy Alice. But you're much more Alice now."

Alice decides to be the White Queen's "Champion" and fight the Jabberwocky. She puts on the armour, takes up the Vorpal sword and goes to the battlefield. On the battlefield the Red Queen calls forth her champion, the Jabberwocky, and the White Queen calls forth hers, Alice.

Jabberwocky: So my old foe, we meet on the battlefield once again.
Alice Kingsley: We have never met.
Jabberwocky: Not you, insignificant bearer. My ancient enemy, the Vorpal one.

In the end Alice slays the Jabberwocky and returns to her own world where she finally stands up for herself and begins to make her own way in life.

Like I said, I only like this movie about a 6 but when I saw it for the second time a couple things stood out. 1. Alice tries the whole movie to live up to her name. She tries to live up to the name of Alice and prove that she is the real Alice. We as Christians do the same thing. As Christians we go through our whole lives trying to live up to a name as well. That name is Jesus Christ. As we start out we start as Alice did "not hardly" being like Christ. Then as time goes on and we go through trials, we gain back our "muchness" and grow closer to becoming like the one whose name we bare.

2. We also have a dragon to slay, or a job that only we can perform. When God made you he made you perfectly for the task he has assigned to you. No one else can do your job, you are God's champion. We all need to suit up in the Armour of God and slay the dragons in our own spiritual war. Like how only Alice could kill the Jabberwocky, there are dragons in your life that only you can slay.

3. The Vorpal Sword. In the movie the White Queen tells Alice that the Vorpal Sword knows what it wants to do and she need only to hold on to it. When I saw this I was reminded of the sword that we as Christians carry. The Word of God is our sword. The quote from the Jabberwocky is much like how I picture Satan talking to us when we go up to face him. The only difference is that he cannot call us insignificant ones. He might try, just to make us feel less worthy and to discourage us but in reality we are wholely and completely significant as the bearers of God's Word and just like the White Queen told Alice, we must simply hold fast to the Word of God and He will handle the rest.

What is that smell?!

I think it was Friday that I started noticing something different about my car. All I know is that on Thursday when I got in my car to drive to and from work everything was fine. The engine purred to life, the radio greeted me with the sounds of Glee and the air was breathable. I don't know how it changed but on Friday when I got into my car I was met with this awful, and I do mean awful smell. It smelt like used and rotting menstrual pads (sorry to any boys out there). So, I did what anyone would do in such a situation, I ignored it. I was doing a pretty good job of it too until Rossam said something about the smell. It was then when I knew it wasn't just me who was smelling something, that the smell seemed more real and ever present than it had previously. It was then that I was decided that the smell must be gotten rid of. Without a thought the half empty Starbucks cups were immediately thrown out and quite pleased with myself for solving the problem I went inside my house for a relaxing evening.

The next day I jumped into my car ready to start the day, took a deep breath and nearly gagged. The smell was still there and more pungent than ever. At first we thought it was coming from my vents, because even turning on the air conditioner didn't help and it was suggested that maybe something had died in my filter. If that was the case then I figured nothing could be done and I would just have to wait and take my car into the shop, but I didn't really think that was the real reason behind the stench. On Monday, during my morning and lunch breaks, I lay in my car trying to fall asleep. All the while I was laying there losing braincells to the nauseous fumes. That was it, I could handle the car rides to and from work but nothing and nobody messes with my nap times! It was then I had a flashback, I vaguely remembered some of my friends holding up one of my microwavable lunches a few weeks ago and commenting on how gross it was that it was still in my car. AH HA! The car-wide search was launched for the offending lunch item, but nothing turned up and the search had to be called off due to time constraints.

Today I was again laying in my car at lunch dreaming of a giant bottle of Fabreeze and a gas mask when the same flashback came to mind again. I just knew that had to be what was stinking. So where was it? It wasn't in the trunk and it wasn't in the back or front seats or floor. Just to be sure the back seat floor was checked again. Oranges, nope. Shoes, nope. Trash, nope. I pulled the passenger seat forward and felt around under it, nothing. I looked on the side of mine, dirty sock, smelled but nope not it either. Then, just as I was about to give up again I saw it. Nestled under my seat and hidden by the smelly sock was the microwavable lunch! I scooted my seat forward, grabbed the lunch, put it to my nose and took a big whiff. "Bingo!" I gagged between giggles. Finally, the lunch was thrown away. I tried to open it and get a picture for you but my nose and stomach wouldn't let me get passed opening the cardboard box it came in. So yay! No more smell and no more microwavable lunches for awhile lol

Always Read the Map

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and yet despite the beauty of the day and place in which we found ourselves my fiance and I sat at the table solemnly. I sat lazily sipping at my tea and nibbled at the food that was placed before me. He, on the other hand, hurriedly gulped down his tea hoping that the creamy substance would ease the headache that was making it hard to enjoy the experience to it's fullest. We had come to our favorite tea house for a full afternoon tea. All you can drink tea served with a salad scones, sandwiches, and desert.

During our tea, I remembered that we had discussed going to the lake that was near my parents house. We had gone for the first time the week before to relax before the start of another busy work week in the city. We had walked around a small part of the lake looking for the perfect spot to sit with our borrowed lawn chairs. It was a very relaxing and enjoyable time, later that week Rossam, my fiance, came up with the idea of walking all the way around the lake. I chimed in readily that it sounded like a good idea. The lake didn't look like a big one and besides my mom had told me on a couple occasions that, when she and my step-dad went, she had walked around the lake with my dog Duo as Roy fished.

As our tea time slowly came to an end I suggested that today would be a great time to go for that leisurely walk around the lake. I needed the exercise and hopefully the fresh air would help ease Rossam's headache.

Excited now we quickly gulped down the last few drops of tea in our cups, paid and rushed to my parent's house. We got there just in time to meet them as they were right at that momment getting home from performing some duties at the church. I told them that we were stealing the dog for a couple hours so we could take him on a walk around the lake. Mom looked shocked, "You're walking around the whole lake?" I nodded cheerfully, "Yep."

"It doesn't get dark until around 8:00, they should have enough time." Roy, my step-dad, chimed in.

With that we said our goodbyes and left for the lake. Arriving at the lake around 4:45pm we parked, grabbed a couple of waters, put the dog on his leash and headed out for our walk. It was beautiful!

Duo was very eager to start the walk. He tugged anxiously at the leash urging us to go faster. Right before the trail started was a sign with information about the lake and the trail we would be taking but Duo and Rossam ran past it. Rossam had set a goal for us, that we would finish the walk in two hours or less and I was too busy trying to catch up to them to stop and look at the map. The first part of the trail was a little painful as there were some hills and my body, namely my legs and ankles, rebelled against me. But Rossam reassured me that the pain would subside as we went on (so male). We even stopped to stretch a little along the way. About an hour in I started having doubts abouts the actual size of the lake and the distance that we would be traveling. However, Duo ran on happily and Rossam confidently told me over and over that we were surely about half way across already. 30 min later I again voiced my concerns about the apparent lack of progress that we were making. What was even more disconcerting was the fact that the small oval lake we had seen from the road was actually snake shaped and we had only seen the tiny head of the serpent. (It was the devil's lake)

After about 2 hours of hiking we finally made it to the end of the serpents tail. We were out of water and I was dying! To make matters worse the sun was starting to go down and I was beginning to get more than a little worried that we would still be walking this trail well into the darkness. More than a couple times the thought of finding the road or going to the nearest campsite and asking for a ride crossed my mind, but we just kept walking forward. By the third hour of hiking new aches and pains started to replace the old ones. These ones were more intense and widespread than the others had been. As we went through the campsites I greedily eyed the soft cushy chairs, the automobiles, tents, and bottles of water that sat out in the open taunting me. Finally, not caring if I got poisoned or not, I refilled my water at one of the water spickets at the campsite used for washing dishes and brushing your teeth.

It was then that I was about to collapse and give up on living that Rossam suggested that we play a game. He would give me five minutes to get ahead of him and jog for as long as possible and he would then try to catch up to me. He wanted to see how fast I could go and wanted to see how long it would take him to catch up to me. I looked at him with unbelieving eyes. "Are you serious?" I asked. He was. So I went, jogged a little then stopped before jogging a little more. It was there gasping between breaths that I cursed his and my dog's boundless energy and optimism.

Needless to say he caught up to me pretty quickly and I was all too happy that he did and the "game" was over. 4 hours later I got a little hope when I recognized the area in which we found ourselves. We had reached the point where we could see the car, a mere silver speck in the distance, but we had been in this area before when we had come to the lake the first time. What was great was that my phone got reception out in the middle of nowhere so I called my mom. I let her know that we were ok and that we would hopefully be there soon... and to have dinner ready for us lol Finally after 4.5 hours of hiking and in near darkness we reached the car.

So that was my adventure. I am still sore. We found out later that the distance around the lake is 10 miles of hills, rocks, mud and bugs. Despite all this we do have plans to tackle the Devil's lake again.

PS only later did I find out that the lake that mom walked all the way around was actually a small pondish lake that was also near their house and not this one hence the suprise when I told her we were going to walk around the whole lake.