Closed Doors are Answered Prayers

Sitting on my bed scrolling through my phone I felt a sharp pang of jealousy when one of my friends announced on Facebook that she is pregnant. The couple had only been married 10 weeks and she was 8 weeks pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for them. I only wish it was that easy for me to become pregnant.

There are couples that get pregnant easily and then there are couples that have a much harder time getting pregnant. My husband and I are one of the couples having a harder time.

Jason and I got married 3 years ago and he was eager to have kids just months after the ceremony. To be fair, he is 7 years older than me and approaching the age of 40, so he sometimes feels like it's now or never for having kids. Me on the other hand, I have not been in a rush to have children. I wanted to savor the time that it was just the two of us. At least for a couple years before we brought in any little darlings.

The Struggle

I struggle with Anxiety and Major Depression. Shortly after getting married I went through a really hard time with my health. Our first two years together I was in and out of the hospital and went through 2 Intensive Outpatient Programs. Needless to say there was no way that I could’ve handled going through a pregnancy during that time. Luckily, God has blessed me with the most incredible husband and we decided to wait to start a family and instead focused on getting me physically and mentally healthy.

As I write this entry my husband and I are entering our third year of marriage. Praise God my health is improving. As I get better the more my mind is turning towards starting a family. Jason and I both feel it's a good time to start a family and we've been unofficially trying to get pregnant for about 10 months now. 

Since we've been trying there have been a couple times when I thought I may be pregnant. Unfortunately, not long after I was convinced that we had finally done it, my period would always show up. Then, 4 months ago my period stopped and didn't come back. 

After 2 months with no menstrual cycle I again thought that we were finally pregnant, but test after test came back negative. I made an appointment to see my doctor after 2 1/2 months without having a period. 

During the appointment my OBGYN confirmed I was not pregnant. I asked her how I could get my period regular again. She said the only way to regulate my period was to go on birth control. I had told her that Jason and I were trying to have a baby, but maybe she had forgot, so I said, “But I can’t get pregnant if I’m taking birth control.” To which she replied that there really wasn't any other options. 

It was hard for me to believe that with all of the advances in modern medicine there was no way to regulate my period without taking birth control. Apparently I am mistaken though because the OBGYN matter of factly stated that with an irregular period I may not be able to get pregnant naturally and should consider other options such as adoption or In Vitro Fertilization.

I was shocked and truly sad at the realization that I may not be able to have a baby. Another month and a half passed by without my period starting. Despite what the OBGYN had said, I still hoped that somehow my body would fix itself.

Prayer Requests

Then, a week ago, I lay in bed next to my husband trying to quiet my mind and fall asleep. I hadn’t been praying recently and it had been months since I read the Bible. I think that secretly I was starting to give up on being close to God. The last few years had really robbed me of my joy and my faith was shaken. Things had been getting better in the last year but I was still very broken and now I may not even be able to give Jason the family that he so wanted.

You know that story in the Bible about the prodigal son? It's in Luke 15:11-32. After demanding his inheritance and leaving his father's house to live on his own the prodigal son was struggling, starving, and eating pig slop to stay alive. After enduring this for a time the son finally decided to humble himself before his father and beg to be allowed to come back into his father's house as his father's servant. When his father (who I think was waiting for his son to return) saw his son in the distance he was "filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him."

I am often just like the prodigal son. I distance myself from God thinking that I can live on my own only to end up in the lowest points of my life. At rock bottom I finally decide to humble myself and turn back to God. As soon as I turn to start the long hard climb back to my Heavenly Father, He is right there, embracing me.

So, I took myself off the throne of my life and asked for help. “Honey," I turned to face my husband's back. "I want us to pray about starting a family. Whether God wants us to adopt or do In Vitro or have kids naturally.” Jason turned to face me, hugged me tight, and we lifted the prayer before our Heavenly Father.

Every night since then I’ve brought my request before God saying something to the effect of, “My thoughts are not Your thoughts, and my ways are not Your ways. For Your ways are higher than my ways and Your thoughts higher than my thoughts. Help me to know Your will about Jason and me starting a family. Whether we should have kids naturally or whether we should adopt or try In Vitro. Whether is it your will or your timing that we should have kids at all…. And please make it really obvious, Lord, because you know how stubborn I can be.”

A few days later, my period came back.

Pushing on Closed Doors

The morning I started my period I was so happy that I starting singing God’s praises in the shower. Then a little later, the doubt set in. Is this God saying that I’m going to get pregnant or did my period just come back and I still can’t have kids? If I can have kids and I want to adopt can I do both?

I had recently started reading a blog about one couple’s journey of adopting a child from Japan. I have always wanted to adopt a baby from Japan but every time I looked I could never find an adoption agency who handled adoptions from Japan but the blog (which was from 2012-2014) named the adoption agency that they used. They're still in business!

I had a feeling that maybe I was rushing into things and wasn't really waiting for or listening to God's answer. But my husband and I are on a time crunch and why wait for the door to open when I could give it a little push myself? To adopt a baby from Japan both adopting parents have to be under the age of 45. In the blog I had read it took the couple 2 years to get a baby and my husband is only a few short years away from passing the allowable age to adopt.

I emailed the agency to see if they were accepting applications for international adoption. A couple days passed and I hadn’t heard back from the adoption agency, so I started searching once again for an agency that handled adoptions from Japan. It took an hour or two but I finally found one! So I sent the agency a quick email then started researching international adoption more thoroughly.

A little bit into my research of International Adoptions I came across the US Department of State Intercountry Adoption page. The most prominent part of the page was the Recent Adoption News and Notices section. I briefly glanced over the article titles. An notice released on April 2, 2018 caught my attention. It was titled “Adoption Notice: Accreditation Renewal Refusal for agency XXXXXXX, agency XXXXXXXXXX, and agency XXXXXXX. (Out of respect for the agencies I won't be listing their names.) 

Yes, you guessed it, the adoption agency that the couple from the blog had used and was my preferred agency was listed on the notice. Their Accreditation renewal had been refused and they wouldn’t be able to handle any international adoptions for who knows how long.

Then I saw the latest notice which was released on April 13th 2018 titled “Adoption Notice: Japan." Wow, a notice for the whole country? So I read it:

The Department of State is currently reviewing Japanese law regarding the transfer of custody of a child without a court order, which may affect a child’s eligibility for an adoption-based visa under the Immigration and Nationality Act. The Department urges families with pending I-600 petitions and immigrant visa applications based on the transfer of custody of children - if such applications do not involve a court order - to consider deferring their travel to Japan to complete the visa process at this time. The Department also urges adoption agencies not to make new referrals to U.S. prospective adoptive parents in such cases until further notice.

Please continue to monitor adoption.state.gov for updated information.

Just to be sure that I had received the message the same day I also got a response from the only other agency I’d found. It read:

Melissa, unfortunately the US Department of State is currently investigating the legal process of placing children with families internationally and has asked agencies to hold on accepting new families. When we have guidance from them on how they would like us to proceed we can begin accepting families into our program again.

“So, God… I'm getting the feeling you’re telling me not to adopt from Japan right now?”

Moving On

I admit it, I was and still am disappointed that my adoption dreams were halted before they really even started. You know what I realized though? I realized that God had begun answering my prayer. I had asked Him if Jason and I should adopt. He answered “Not right now”. He also heard my request to make His answer very obvious. I am constantly amazed that God chooses to hear us when we pray. Who am I that the God and maker of the universe would care for me, listen to my prayers, and answer them.

So far adoption has been a “no” or at the very least “not now”. Maybe getting pregnant and In Vitro will be "No" or "Not now" too. No matter the answer, I know I serve a holy God and a loving Father. Your will be done, Lord.

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. 1 Peter 5:6,7

Are Godly Relationships Possible?

The above image does not belong to me in any way. All copy rights belong to the owner.

Lately I have been considering relationships. Most predominantly, the special God given relationship between a man and a woman. As I thought on this subject, I found myself with an overabundance of questions and very few answers. How does one begin, grow, and maintain such a union in a Godly way? Can it be done? What does it look like?

The Folly of Searching

Looking back on all the relationships of myself and my friends, I can safely say that this is a struggle shared by most, if not all. Where can I find a good man?

²² Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. – Genesis 2:22

“God will bring them to you.” This phrase has been said to me by every married sister in Christ that I have ever spoken to on the subject of marriage. Yet I still looked. I still searched on my own for who “God” had planned for me.

The search for a mate slowly became my focus. My eyes would stray from the face of my Lord and Savior to scan those around Him for a possible connection. Every new face that came through the church doors was a potential boyfriend. Instead of focusing on God during the sermon, I would be scheming about ways to introduce myself to the cute new guy. Instead of reflecting the image of Jesus, I tried to reflect an image of worldly beauty. As the disciple Peter found out, taking your eyes off God, is never a good thing.

I like to imagine that when Adam awoke from his deep sleep, he saw the Lord walking towards him in the distance. As Adam and the Lord got closer to each other and Adam looked upon the face of the Lord, Adam all of a sudden noticed that the Lord was holding the hand of another person. Adam saw the Lord first, and in keeping his focus on the Lord he was able to see Eve.

Eve was with God, if Adam had been searching for her in another place, he would not have found her. In the same way, we must seek God first, and when the time is right, He will bring us to our spouse.

I Only Attract Bad Ones

I am so grateful that all my attempts to attract a mate have been unsuccessful. Why? Because I was trying to catch a guy with worldly bait. Beauty, wit, fun, mystery and so on. None of these are bad things when based in Christ. Apart from Christ, they are dangerous. Worldly beauty becomes skimpy clothes and sexual desire. Worldly fun will have you getting drunk and throwing all inhibitions to the wind.

Ask a Christian girl to recite her list of standards for her future husband and #1 will always be “He Must Love God”. So, why do Christian girls think that worldly bait will catch anything except a worldly man?

3 Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. - 1 Peter 3:3-4

It seemed that all my Christian sisters found the man God had intended for them at the same time that they stopped searching for him. Now I know why. It is only when our focus is on God that we reflect the person of our Lord Jesus Christ. That is the only bait that a Godly man will accept.

A Helper Comparable

¹⁸ And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”¹⁹ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. – Genesis 2:18-20

It wasn’t long before my impatience led me to seek a partner in places where a Christian should not be, let alone searching there for a partner. My standards became lower out of desperation. I began to consider those “not comparable” to me, as a viable option.

Some Bible translations use the word “suitable” in place of “comparable”. It is so important that partners be suitable/comparable to one another. Could you imagine if Adam had not trusted God as he did and settled for a Kangaroo instead of waiting for God to bring him Eve?

Christians and non Christians are as unsuitable and incomparable to each other as humans and kangaroos. Christians and nominal or luke-warm Christians are just as unsuitable and incomparable.

¹⁴ Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? – 2 Corinthians 6:14

More to Come

The desire for a relationship between a man and a woman is built into all of us. It is engrained and powerful. It is not evil or something shameful to be avoided. We are surrounded by people in its different stages. God is a perfect and loving father. He will not withhold any good thing from us. It may be hard for those in the beginning stages, those who have not been presented with their companion, but we must wait, keeping our eyes focused on our Father and trust that in His time He will bring one comparable to us.

In the beginning of this post I asked, "How does one begin, grow, and maintain such a union in a Godly way?" My thoughts on this topic are so long that I decided to break it up into those three categories.Begin, Grow, and Maintain. This post focused on Begin and I hope to post the others soon! Thank you for reading!

Weakness & Power

The following is an article I wrote for the Calvary Chapel Natomas emagazine called "CCN Connect Magazine" with the help of a fellow sister and editor extradonair. http://www.ccnatomas.com/index.php/about/ccn-connect-mag

I also do not own the above picture, any rights or credit to the image.

Like many Christians, I love what Paul says in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." These words always seem so encouraging and empowering, don't they? And yet there are times when I wonder, "If I can do all things through Christ, why do I fail so often? Why do I get exhausted in ministry? Why does it feel like difficult tasks chew me up and spit me out? Why does it often feel like my strength is nowhere to be found?

Yet in these very questions lie the answers to my dilemma. If I am honest with myself, and if you are honest with yourself, we'd both have to admit that the operative word we're tempted to focus on in verse 13 is "I". I'll tell you right now, it's my favorite part. Why? Because my carnal nature loves to feel self-empowered and is too often, proud of it. My pride and independent spirit join forces and in that moment, who needs God?

But something I have noticed as I grow in my relationship to Christ: God never strengthens those who think they don't need His assistance. End of story! And I'm not the only one to reach this conclusion. The same confident saint who wrote Philippians 4:13 also wrote 2 Corinthians 12:9 which reads, "He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Philippians 4:13 is one of those verses well-meaning Christians toss into virtually every difficult circumstance. But I wonder how many believers ever think about how these two verses are connected. Human weakness does not automatically qualify us to receive God's strength any more than being human automatically qualifies us to receive eternal life.We must choose to ask for and receive both or gain neither.

There must be a recognition of and surrender to the reality of our utter depravity apart from our Creator. And we must ask for and by faith receive God's supernatural strength which will enable us to do what the natural man cannot. Strength from Christ is the only strength that will allow us to "do all things", and the only way we will ever personally experience this powerful truth is when we humble ourselves and confess our need.

Over the past few weeks, God has given me the opportunity to understand this truth in a deeper, more personal way. Life just seemed to get harder and harder with each passing day. And I cam to a point where I'd had enough. No matter how deep I dug, or how far down within my soul I tried to reach, the cupboard was always bare. There was no strength or energy left to cope with the challenges I faced.

Completely overwhelmed and exhausted, I plopped down on my couch and cried. Thank God for the presence and wisdom of godly mothers. My mother sat quietly beside me as I poured out my desperate laundry list of perceived failures and inadequacies. I was ashamed to admit, even to her, that I could not keep up with everything and didn't know what to do. My strength was gone... period.

After listening to my woes, my mother wisely replied, "Maybe God wants you here, where you have no choice but to rely on Him."

I have to confess, that is not what I wanted to hear. My pride screamed, "I don't want to be a weak person! I don't want to have to rely on anyone for anything! I want to be an 'I can do all things' kind of saint." It wasn't until later that day that the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and I finally realized that I could not know the power of His strength without first understanding my own human frailties.

No, human weakness does not automatically equal God's indwelling strength. But when a human heart chooses to admit their utter helplessness apart from their Creator; when a soul surrenders their will to God and cries out in utter despair, 'Lord I need you!', they have the immutable promise of God to answer such a plea. And I cannot be an "I can do all things" kind of saint while depending on my own strength.

The Apostle Paul, in 2 Corinthians 12:10, said, "...power is perfected in weakness...for when I am weak then I am strong." I now understand this truth better today than yesterday. How about you?

Loving the Time of Small Things

As people, I think it is in our nature to want to do big things in our lives and it only makes sense because our world is a world that seems to only recognizes big things.

As we sit in school and learn about history we are only give the “big picture” and, for the most part, we only learn of major events. We are surrounded by reports and stories of great people who are “larger than life” and have done unbelievable things. We are taught to judge success by size, big houses, big bank accounts, big reputations, big deeds, big sacrifices, and even big churches.  It is hammered into us that the “important” and “prestigious” jobs are the ones where you are doing big things everyday whether it’s saving lives as a doctor, going into space as an astronaut, or bringing entertainment to millions of people as an actor or singer. We soon realize that it is the above that get recognized and praised by “the little people”. How can we not have a “go big or go home” attitude when that idea is constantly being pushed upon us?

I admit that I believed in that lie of the world. There were somedays when I would be sitting in my cube at work thinking about when I had all these big dreams of how my life would be and I would feel like an utter failure because I was “only” an office technician. That lie even discouraged me from giving to people. Like if I found out that one of my friends desperately needed a car, I would get so discouraged because I couldn’t go out and buy them one. I would consider praying for them or giving them rides but then would think “They don’t prayer or a couple rides here and there, they need a car!” and I would end up doing nothing at all.

It’s been just recently that God has started to work this lie out of my heart.  Ephesians 1:1 starts, “Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God…” Paul is recognizing that God’s will for him, at that time in his life, was to be an apostle. The very same can be said of us and where we are in our lives, such as, “Melissa, an office technician by the will of God.”  That means that no matter what I wish I could be doing, right now God has me as an office technician and I should be working, where He has willed for me to be, for His glory. I might consider my job as insignificant and the world may agree but if I am obeying God and glorifying Him in this job then God sees it and thinks it neither small nor insignificant. God may never will for me to be famous or rich but He has willed for me to know Him, obey Him, and glorify Him, that is the biggest thing ever and God doesn’t care what setting we do it in.

 Small things may also lead to big things.
 

Luke 16:10 ¹⁰ “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.”

I used to get so frustrated when I would decide that I wanted to do something big for God but it always seemed like it took forever to get past all the small things I had to do before I got to the big thing. For example, I had a desire to go to Japan on a missions trip and I just knew that when I got there people were going to be saved left and right. But, before I could get there I had to get a passport, get checked by my doctor, fill out applications, raise money, buy my plane ticket, and on and on. All those little details that needed to be “taken care of” before I could get to Japan and do something big for God. All that was just taking care of the physical things; as a Christian, there were also a lot of seemingly small spiritual things I had to do in preparation as well. 

We always seem to forget that it is the small things that make the big things possible. It is the small things that prepare us for the big things. It would be like someone deciding that they didn’t want to bother with the schooling and they were just going to start being a doctor and operating on people. Good idea?

 Do you think that Moses would have had the faith to part the Red Sea if he hadn’t spent years and years learning to have faith in the little things? 

God, thank you so much that you prepare us and that you consider great the choices, the tasks, and the heart of everyday things.

Zechariah 4:10, “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…”

What is Your Price?

Ok guys, so it has actually been a whole year since I have posted anything on this blog but let’s get back on the horse shall we?

 Zechariah 11:12,13 “12 Then I said to them, “If it is agreeable to you, give me my wages; and if not, refrain.” So they weighed out for my wages thirty pieces of silver. 13 And the LORD said to me, “Throw it to the potter”—that princely price they set on me. So I took the thirty pieces of silver and threw them into the house of the LORD for the potter.”

 This verse is a prophesy referring to Judas betraying Jesus for 30 shekels of silver. There are just some people in the Bible that I have never liked, people who I have never been able to connect with or relate to mostly. Judas has always been one of those people for me. Here was a man who walked with Jesus, he spent years beside Him witnessing His love, watching His miracles, and hearing His Word. Yet, he still betrayed the Son of God for 30 pieces of silver. How in the world was I supposed to relate to that kind of person? Then, I heard a sermon on the above verses and I realized that I am a Judas.

 Judas in a sense, wasn’t selling Jesus for 30 pieces of silver, he was selling his own soul. He was selling his relationship with Jesus and condemning himself to an eternity without Him. The pastor preaching the sermon then asked, “What is your price?” At what price do I sell my relationship with Jesus?

It was really sad but I realized that I “sell” my relationship with Him for the pettiest things and that really any price is petty. I will knowingly damage my relationship with Jesus so that I can enjoy the passing pleasure of a sin. I have sold God’s presence for a half hour show that my flesh loves to watch and when Jesus has asked me to spend time getting to know Him I have sold it for a few more minutes of sleep. Our relationship with our Lord and Savior is worth more than anything that this world can offer and yet we sell it for so little.

 3 Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, 4 saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.”

 And they said, “What is that to us? You see to it!”

 5 Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself. Mathew 27:3-5

 The money that Judas had betrayed Christ for became something that he didn’t want anymore. He realized that what he had sold was far greater than what he had received for it. That show I had wanted to watch might have entertained for a while but then I got bored or it ended and I had to wait until the next episode. The few more minutes of sleep weren’t that great and I was still tired or maybe it was great but once I got up it was gone and I gained nothing eternal from it. Isn’t it so like the world to say, “What is that to us? You see to it!”

I have sold my relationship with God to hang out with worldly friends who I had such fun being with but then when I was hurting or struggling they couldn’t help or disappeared saying, “What is that to us? You see to it!”

 I am just so thankful that our God is merciful and that He values a relationship with us so much that He would pay the price of His own blood, His own perfect Son to have that relationship with us. He paid the ultimate price for us, so let me not sell it for anything for everything is less than what it is worth.

 26 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? Mathew 16:26

 

Looking for God

It seems to me that I am being convicted a lot lately. As I avoid reading God’s Word under the excuse of being too busy or too tired and so naturally move further and further away from the image of God and more towards my flesh, when I do hear The Word it is in the form of conviction.

This last Sunday the sermon was on 2 Timothy Chapter 3 which talks about what the hearts of people will be like in the last days and how to avoid being insnared by deception during those times.

I have always been skeptical when people tell me that we are in the last days. Seems to me that every generation thinks they are the last and all Christians think they will live to see Christ’s return. I found myself adopting a “That’s what they all say,” attitude and consoling myself with the verse that says that no one knows the time or date of His return.

Then my pastor said something that changed my attitude and perception. He reminded me that we have been in “The Last Days” since Jesus ascended into heaven and that the reason that Christians in every generation since are so sure that He will return in their time is because that is what they sincerely hope for. They are looking at His quick return as a wonderful promise, whereas I have been looking at it as a threatening one.

Why? Why do I want Him to stay away? Whenever I think about His return I say to myself that I am not ready. There are so many things that I have yet to do and experience. What does that say about me except that I have entangled myself with the things of this world and have not set my eyes on the eternal.

I look a it as a strict father returning home and putting a stop to all my games and fun. His return means that I have to stop living my way and start living His. How sad and warped is my view?! I have the same view of God as the servant who was given one talent in the parable of the talents did in Mathew 25:14-30

14 “For the kingdom of heaven is like a man traveling to a far country, who called his own servants and delivered his goods to them. 15 And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, to each according to his own ability; and immediately he went on a journey. 16 Then he who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and made another five talents. 17 And likewise he who had received two gained two more also. 18 But he who had received one went and dug in the ground, and hid his lord’s money. 19 After a long time the lord of those servants came and settled accounts with them.
20 “So he who had received five talents came and brought five other talents, saying, ‘Lord, you delivered to me five talents; look, I have gained five more talents besides them.’ 21 His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ 22 He also who had received two talents came and said, ‘Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.’ 23 His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’
24 “Then he who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.’

The first two servants loved their master and looked for His return with great expectancy. They came to him as little children come to a loving father, so excited to show him what they had done to please him in is absence.

The other servant looked at the master quite differently than the first two. He looked upon the master not as a loving father figure but as a cold hard slave owner who he “knew” to be “a hard man” and looked for his return with dread.

Why do I see God as the servant with the one talent saw his master? I say with my mouth that I love Him and I sing of wanting His return and of His greatness but I live as a spoiled child trying to get as much as I can before the Father comes to claim me.

Change my heart, O God.

Spiritual Fitness

I joined a gym recently. I got to a point where I just couldn’t stand being so out of shape, I remembered how I looked and felt a few years ago in my physical peak and I longed to be like that again. I have tried a couple times to be active and to change my eating habits but though my intentions were good I never stuck with those changes long enough for them to make any difference. It took me awhile to get into the sad shape I am in and it was a slow process in getting here and filled with excuses and justifications as to why it was ok. I remember looking in the mirror every once in a while and convincing myself that it wasn’t so bad or that just a few changes were necessary and easily applied if I wanted to fix it. I was and am jealous of those who were fit and skinny because they “were/are that way naturally” it seemed.

Well, I joined a gym and I started going 3 times a week. I got a couple sessions with a personal trainer and I was so excited! About a week later I was complaining to my roommate about how my trainer had worked me so hard the day before and about how I was sore and tired and yet had to back to the gym today. She lovingly admonished me and lectured me on how it would be hard at first and a chore but that it was for my best and the price I had to pay to reach my goal of physical fitness.

When she said that I thought that the same could be said of our Spiritual health and fitness as well. The thought came and went quickly and I didn’t give it much attention after that. That is until I listened to a sermon on 1 Timothy 4:6-8 “6 If you instruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed. 7 But reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness. 8 For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.”

It is very interesting that Paul uses the example of physical fitness to describe our spiritual growth and health. Just like our physical bodies require special attention, serious effort and hard work to be healthy so our spiritual being requires the same. Spiritual growth and maturity in Christ does not come naturally or come automatically. Many people think and some are even taught that just by sitting in the pews on Sunday they are going to absorb spiritual maturity and leave the church spiritually healthy and in shape. There is a partial truth to that but as we know from the whole Garden of Eden/snake incident, partial truths are dangerous. Going to church and sitting in the pews is a great thing and God commands us to fellowship and to gather with the saints but we deceive ourselves if we think that just sitting in the pews will give us spiritual maturity and fitness.

So how do you exercise yourself towards godliness? 1. By cutting unhealthy things out. This is one that I struggle with greatly both spiritually and physically. There are so many delicious sins out there and just like someone who wants to be physically fit has to quit eating all that junk food, if you want to be fit spiritually you must quit filling yourself with things that are bad for your spirit. Hebrews 12:1 “1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,”

What is weighing you down as a Christian? What’s holding you back? What junk are you filling yourself with instead of God? If you are unsure ask Him and He will tell you. Whatever it is cast it aside and run after Jesus. Get rid of the baggage, the distractions that have attached themselves to you or even that you yourself are holding onto and just let it go.

What is hard is that sometimes we like the junk, it tastes good, and it’s fun. Sometimes they are even good things like school, friends, family, hobbies and relationships, but you have to ask yourself if you are allowing those good things to take you away from the Best thing, the only thing, that really matters and that is a relationship with Christ Jesus. It may be that whatever is weighing you down isn’t sinful and so you convince yourself that it is ok that you keep hold of it. Remember the parable of the sewer who sprinkled seeds that fell on different kinds of ground. Don’t let yourself be tangled and choked out by the things of this world. Don’t let your spirit suffer and neglect God because you are to busy with other things. Drop them and run to Jesus.

2. You must add good things in. But in order to add things in you must have first cut things out to make room for the things that you need to add in. “I don’t have time to read my Bible or go to Church.” Cut out things in your life until you have time. They might be really “important things” but nothing is as important as knowing and spending time with God. So if you don’t have room to do number 2, go back to number 1 and keep going back and making cuts until you do have room. 2 Peter 1:5-7 “5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.” Chase after these things.

Now, before I go on about Spiritual Fitness I have to make a disclaimer. None of this matters or is relevant if you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. If you are dead spiritually then no matter of exercise is going to help, you are still dead. Jesus says that He is the vine and we are the branches. The branch is connected to the vine at all times, not just Sundays, and if it’s not then it is dead and cannot be nourished and cannot grow or bear fruit. Jesus said that without Him we can do nothing. We have to be connected to Jesus all the time engaging in our relationship with the Lord and fellowshipping with Him. Only then can we bear fruit. We cannot just hop on and off the vine for a little nourishment now and then, it’s just not possible, we are either connected to Him and bearing fruit or we are cut off and thrown into the fire.

3. Engage in activity or ministry. In order to be truly physically fit, diet is never enough and in fact diet is perfected by exercise. For spiritual health there must be an outpouring of the things God has blessed you with. We tend as Christians in this country to just receive and receive. We have knowledge about so many Godly things and truths and yet we never share them or pour them out and people are dying around us. We know a lot of things but we do nothing.

We must be proactive in our pursuit of God. It is called our Christian walk, walking is an action, it moves us forward, even backwards sometimes but it moves us. We need to move spiritually. Actions more than intentions tell us what we truly believe. It truly amazes me sometimes at how we are willing to spend all this effort and time into looking good on the outside when our spiritual man lay on his deathbed inside. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to seem like a chore sometimes but we must persevere if we are to become spiritually fit.

Highs and Lows

We all have days that we feel good and everything seems to work out and even if it doesn't we don't mind too much. Then we have days like I had today. The whole day creeps by and there is nothing really that makes it a bad day, you just feel that its a bad day. There are days when you are safely behind God's hedge, protected from everything that this world and the enemy can throw at you and there are days when your guard gets let down for some reason and everyone of the devil's fiery arrows finds its way to your heart. (The devil has great aim by the way)

For about a week I had been behind the hedge. Walking on water if you will, just hearing God's voice and following after Him wholeheartedly. I joined a gym, I was eating better, work was all caught up and going well, most importantly I was in God's word and on my knees before Him often. I even found a great church and made a new friend. Everything was moving and in the right direction to boot.

However, since the beginning of this week things have slowly started moving downhill. It was just little things at first. Little doubts that my good fortune would last, tiny setbacks, bouts of boredom or loneliness. All signs that the devil was busy planting little land-mines in my mind, that he was once again waiting outside my door, waiting for the chance to devour me.

The Bible tells us in 2 Timothy 2:3 says "You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ." It tells us plainly that hardship is a part of the Christian walk and that we must be ready for it and endure it like a good soldier endures hardship everyday on the battlefield. Unfortunately for me, I really stink and enduring.

Not only is this a problem that has shown itself in my faith but also in every other area of my life as well. My job, my relationships, everything. I can persevere for a moment, for one glorious spurt I am doing good and then hardship comes and I fall apart. Discouragement, lonliness, failure, the Devil knows so well how to reach me. God sends me reminders throughout the week, little hints that He is working and I am full of faith and hope. But they stop for a day or two and I am disparing that nothing is changing fast enough and I have forgotten the blessing before.

Am I so like the Isrealites in the Old Testament, who walked across the the ocean on dry land, saw it swallow their foes and then cried out so quickly afterwards "Why have you led us out here to die?!"

In 1 Timothy 1:12-13 Paul says, " And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, 13 although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man;" God enabled Paul, He strengthened him, He empowered him, He gave him everything he would need for the ministry because Paul was faithful. He showed up lol God knew that through thick and thin, through the good times and the bad, the blessing and the hardships that Paul would endure.

I know that God can change me and though it might take more hardships to teach me to endure I welcome it to be counted among the faithful.

.

Lessons from Deborah

In our Bible Study on Wednesday nights the girls were assigned the task of researching a woman of the Bible that we admired and to write about what made her a great leader. My mind went to Deborah.

There are many great women in the Bible and each of their stories serve to tell us something about the way we have been created as women. As I go through and read their stories I am both encouraged and convicted about my life as a woman of God.

I didn't know much about Deborah except that she was the only woman Judge in the Bible and yet I have always admired her and to some degree envied her. Even before I began to research her she seemed to me amazing and unique, and I was sure she would live up to my expectations.

The name Deborah means "bee", which immediately caught my attention as my name also means bee. Every book and commentary that I read mentioned the meaning of her name and that she indeed lived up to it in that "she was industrious, sagacity (wise), and of great usefulness to the public, her sweetness to her friends and sharpness to her enemies." I love the last line that stated she was sweet to her friends and sharp like a bee sting to her enemies. I have always loved the idea that a woman was made to show the graceful, nurturing, sensitive, loving side of God as only a woman can and yet God did not make her helpless or weak, He also put in women a fierceness, strength, and ability to rise to the occasion.

That is exactly what Deborah did. She became a Judge during a period of time when Israel's enemy and oppressors actually resided within their borders, living among them. Because of this their oppression of the Israelites was much greater than it had ever been before. Yet Deborah answered the call from the Lord to awake.

Perhaps the enemies of Israel did not see her as a threat because she was a woman and therefore let her hold council under her palm tree without much opposition, or maybe she held court under the palm despite the danger to her life. If it was the first then they sorely underestimated this prophetess of God.

Like Daniel who prayed and followed God despite the lion's den, Deborah continued to do what God had called her to do. This blows my mind sometimes. I look at myself and how easily I get discouraged and I marvel at Deborah's strength. Often I start out to follow God and I yearn to go to the next level of my spiritual walk/relationship with Him. I go along making little sacrifices and little changes in my life to bring me closer to my goal when all of a sudden I find myself face to face with the life I want to have in Christ, only to glimpse the price that comes with it and shrink back.

I get a hint of the pain and suffering that comes from going through the refiner's fire and I falter. I decide that the level I am at isn't so bad after all and I'm comfortable there, so I stay, I give up and what is it that I am unwilling to do? Give up a favorite tv show that I shouldn't be watching, commit to going to bed a little earlier to give myself time to read His word, deny myself of worldly pleasures to better serve Him? I am shamed by those who suffer injury and lose their lives to live for God. Oh, to have the faith of Deborah and Daniel, to keep worshipping and following God at any cost.

As, the story goes on Deborah sends for a man named Barak and gave him a message from God saying to go to war against their oppressors and God would deliver them into the hands of the Israelites. Barak replied, "If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t go." Deborah agreed to go with him but told him that because of this the glory of killing the general of the enemy army would be given to a woman. Arising from her place of council Deborah went with Barak and the army of Israel to face the Canaanite army.

Then Deborah said to Barak, “Go! This is the day the LORD has given Sisera(the enemy general) into your hands. Has not the LORD gone ahead of you?” Long story short, the Israelites massacred the Canaanite army and Sisera who escaped the battle was killed by a woman when he hid inside her tent.

Deborah, being a woman in the ancient world, could not command and army, but that did not stop her from working within the boundaries that God had put in her life to do great things, deliver God's people, and fulfill God's purpose for her life. She was fine with the limitations that God had given her and was willing to "share the spotlight" with Barak to complete the task which God had given them. "He could do nothing without her head, nor she without his hands; but both together made a complete deliverer, and effected a complete deliverance. The greatest and best are not self-sufficient, but need one another."

This is a hard lesson for anyone to learn. There are many times when I wish that I wasn't diagnosed with depression, or that I wasn't so shy or that I looked different and I have even wondered if I could be more use if I was the opposite gender. The thing is, God knew exactly what He was doing when He made me and you. He gave us our limitations and boundaries be they cultural, physical, emotional, or mental. He knows the limits placed on us and yet He still assigned us a great purpose to fulfill despite these things. That means that some boundaries we will have to conquer with His help and some limits we have to accept and work within them.

Deborah did not try to fight the rules that her society had placed upon her as a woman. Nowhere in her story do we see her complain about her gender or the role that came with it. Instead, she joined with someone without that particular limitation to help her get the job done. Like Deborah we have to sometimes be willing to step aside and let others help us in the tasks God has given us and remember to join with the one who has no limits, God.

There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.- Washington Irving

Admire or Follow

Last night I was convicted.

My mother recently read a book called Maximum Faith by George Barna and the whole time she was reading it she just went on and on about what a great book it was. She talked about it so much that I asked if I could borrow it to read after she had finished.

A couple weeks ago she handed it to me, excited for me to read it yet hesitant, knowing that with books my good intentions hardly ever come to fruition. Still, she gave it to me and despite her plea to get it back to her soon, it has sat at my bedside untouched until last night.

I breezed through the first chapter, stopping once to pray about something I had read and to muse over what he had written about Change vs Transformation. "Change is typically refinement that is short-term, impermanent, incremental, superficial, and of limited ultimate consequences. Transformation on the other hand in generally long term, permanent, systemic, deep, and monumental in its impact and consequences. Change merely alters a known reality; transformation radically redefines that reality."

Interest peeked, I moved on to Chapter 2 expecting the same easy yet interesting read, and that's pretty much what I got until a line from the book stopped me dead. It read, "We are not so much Christ followers as we are Christ admirers..." As soon as I read those words my hand raised it's hand in an invisible "Here" or "That's me" gesture.

I looked at my life, especially, since I've gotten out of high school, and that sentence has been exactly me. Suddenly, the definitions of change and transformation came back to me and connected with the sentence from the book. I realized that in my life Christ has been a movie star with a Mother Teresa reputation. I have been taught to look up to Him and to try to act like Him but that is all. I read His word or stories of His life and for a second I think, "I wish I could be like that" or "I wish I could do that" but then the thought is gone, choked by the worldly weeds of the day. Perhaps if a topic or trait hits me particularly hard I will make changes in my life to be more like Him but they are merely "short-term, impermanent, of limited ultimate consequence." Yes, I try to make changes in my life so that it will look more like His but am I willing to let Him transform my life? Am I willing to let Him have so much control over my life that my reality will become "radically redefined" and even unrecognizable?

I saw then that I look up to Christ for all His good deeds and wisdom but my life, my thoughts, words suggest that I am an Admirer of Christ more than a Follower of Christ. Looking up the definition of Admire purely for curiosity sake it said it meant "to marvel at" or "to like very much" or "to hold in esteem." Check, check, and check. I often marvel at God and I like Him very much and of course I esteem Him but do I follow Him?

So I looked up the definition of the verb to follow and checked myself against it.
1) To go, proceed, or come after. Do I actively run after God eager to join Him in where He is leading me or do I make small changes in my life to merely placate Him and myself that I am attempting to pursue Him? Fail
2) To engage in as a calling or way of life. I call myself a Christian and for the most part I imitate the Christian Life but am really truly living it in my inmost being and emulating it every minute of every day? Fail
3) To accept as authority. Yeah, I listen to God, when it suits me or if I agree with what He is saying or if it's not going to keep me from doing what I want to do. I obey Him in the big things. Epic Fail
4) To pursue in an effort to overtake. Now wait a minute, I barely pursue God now knowing full well that He is perfect and also knowing full well that I can never be perfect. Why fight a losing battle? We are all going to end up in the same place right. Fail
5) To watch steadily or to keep the mind on. Are my eyes on God and what H is doing in this world? Or am I in my own little world waiting for God to watch me and bless what I am doing? Is my mind on Him every minute of everyday, half the day? Fail
6) To keep abreast of. Am I walking side by side with God and Christ? Am I going with Him on the path that He has for me or am I trying to lead? Always trying to be one step ahead of Him and His timing? Fail

I'm ashamed to admit it but I am comfortable in my life. I have worked hard to control my surroundings and I enjoy the familiar. Yet God is calling me to more, to be more and I pray for the strength and the faith to follow and be transformed.

Pirates

Hello!

Yes, it has been forever since I have blogged and though I have thought about blogging many times I somehow lacked the time, patience or inspiration to do so. So, what is it that has me sitting here ready and inspired to write? Well, that is easy, Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides.

With all the things going on in my life it strikes me as odd and even kind of sad that a movie is what has me writing again, but it is true. I also realize that this movie has been out only a few days and so I will try not to spoil too much during this post.

The movie starts of with plenty of action and Jack Sparrow, both of which I love. Jack just has this amazing attitude of "Everything is gonna work out". It doesn't matter what kind of scrape or situation he is in he never seems to get discouraged. I love and admire that about his character. To me he almost embodies Mathew 6:25-27“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Could you imagine how much stress, worry and anxiety would be alleviated if we could all trust in God enough to have a Captain Jack Sparrow attitude towards life? It would be wonderful! But notice how Jack doesn't just sit around and wait to be rescued either, instead he waits for the opportunities that God gives him and then he takes full advantage of those open doors to flip the situation around. So trusting in God does not mean that we don't have to work or take advantage/walk through the open doors that God gives us.

So, the movie goes on for awhile and we are introduced to new characters and reunited with old ones. It's entertaining and I am just sitting back and passively enjoying myself until we are introduced to Philip, the missionary. Immediately sit up a little straighter in my chair. I have just gone from a passive watcher to an active participant. First off I am very skeptical of any character who Hollywood portrays as "religious". They, having almost no knowledge of God themselves, are unwittingly or perhaps all to wittingly portrayed in an offensive way. So, I had little hopes for this character to be any different.

At first, he isn't so bad. He's a little annoying but other than that he's ok. As you know, the people in the movies are searching for the Fountain of Youth and apparently, there is a ritual that they must perform in order to gain the fountain's benefits. One of the requirements is a mermaid's tear. Well, from the trailer we know that they catch a mermaid and Philip takes a liking to her. That's all fine and dandy as he is the only one who shows any compassion or concern for the mermaids life as well as the life of all the characters. So, I'm thinking "Ok not so bad. I've seen worse renditions of Christians in movies." But then comes the last scene with Philip, who is injured, talking to the mermaid. He tells her that he was lost and searching for something and how his faith was supposed to be strengthened by his journey but now there is only her. I did not like that and I cringed visibly at that moment. To have him come all this way as a character only at the end to abandon his faith for the mermaid. I mean his faith would have to be pretty small for him to totally discard it and for her to become the thing that he believes in. I just hate how Hollywood portrays Christians. They are always weak and annoying or worse, at the end of the movie, in order for their character to “grow”, they end up growing beyond their faith and it becomes radically altered in a worldly way or left behind completely. So, needless to say I was disappointed in the missionary's character.




I did perhaps think though that I was being a bit too hard on him in the fact that there are millions of people who start out on fire for God and then slowly let something in this life become more important to them than God. Whether it is a mate, money, power, or things and I am fact have been guilty of that many times. So while most people were gushing about how romantic the last scene was and how they adored the new couple I sat and grieved.

Now for my favorite part of the movie (WARNING SPOILER AHEAD)

So the whole movie is about three groups of people trying to get to the Fountain of Youth.
1) The Pirates - led by Blackbeard and Jack
2) The English - led by Barbosa
3) The Spanish - Which is led by an unnamed character

So when the Pirates and the English come at the fountain of youth and they start fighting over it. All of a sudden the Spanish arrive and the other two are vastly outnumbered and outgunned. There are a few tense moments of silence before the Spanish Captain finally orders that the fountain be destroyed! Everyone in the audience was all "Huh?" and as the were destroying it the Captain shouted that the fountain was being destroyed because they were trusting in the fountain for something (eternal life) that was a thing that only God could give them. I almost let out a "Woot!" from my seat in the theater but contained myself. The whole scene with the Spanish was great but that made it awesome!

END SPOILER

All in all it was an ok movie. I will see it again but noting really compares to the first one.

Absence of Faith

One thing that I hate almost more than anything else is doubt. It creeps in, even into my most assured of plans and wreaks havoc in my mind and with my feelings. The worst part is that I can't even say that I don't understand it or how it works and if you understand something and how it works can't you control that thing or get rid of it? So then it becomes not a matter of can I defeat it but a question of whether I willing or not.

Doubt is the absence of faith. Whether it be faith in what God has told you or faith in God himself. My particular doubt comes from the latter. I heard once that most people's faith tends to come in spurts. God speaks to us and at that moment and for a few days, weeks, months, even perhaps years later we are determined and full of faith in that word which we have received. Then little by little the fire disappears and we cool off letting our faith wane. When we are not full of faith we leave room for doubt.

Soon come the questions, sometimes they are introduced by outside sources and sometimes they come from the places in your mind where the devil still has a stronghold. Questions like, "Are you sure you have been called to do this?" "Can you do this?" "Are you strong enough?" "Are you ready?"

As the time comes closer and things are set into motion for Japan these doubts have snuck into my mind. People very close to me have questioned my motives and my readiness which I must confess has shaken me. I am weak and I am flawed but I have heard all my life that it is when you are weak that God is strong and when you are known to be flawed that God will show his perfectness.

So where is the balance? When do you throw caution to the wind and just go for it? I guess it's when God says to go.

So, I am in prayer for this step and change in my life. I know that God is going to have to move supernaturally for me to go to Japan and that is what I am counting on.

Water and Time

I was reading a blog this morning written by a woman who went to Japan as a missionary. At first I just glanced at some of the pictures, admired her background and read a couple of the post titles before deciding I didn't really feel like reading any further. I exited the screen but immediately felt a propmting to return to her blog and delve a little deeper, so I did.

You how when you are thirsty and you come upon water and sometimes you just don't want to drink it even though you are thirsty. You don't feel like drinking water and would prefer gatorade, milk, or soda instead. You actually become kinda indignant at the water, annoyed that it is not something else more tastey. So, you don't drink it and go find one of the other beverages to satisfy your thirst. Then, eventually, for some reason you end up drinking some water and a funny thing happens, you actually enjoy it. Not only do you enjoy it but you feel refreshed and it tastes good to you. At that momment it is better than anything else you could be drinking and you drink more.

Sometimes I find myself feeling that way about God. I'll go about my life without reading His word or hearing His word for awhile until I become thirsty. Then when His word is presented to me I become irritated or annoyed by it. I don't feel like listening to it or spending my time reading it as I would rather be doing other things. So I go and find something else to do. Then, like today, when I finally get a taste of His word or His wisdom my love and wonder for Him comes back. A little bit of life gets pored into me and I want more and I kick myself for refusing it in the first place.

The most recent entry of this missionary's blog was entitled "The God Who Hears Me". It wasn't a long post or even a very detailed post but in it something that she said struck me and got me thinking. It gave me a little sip of what I've been missing. She was talking about how God had blessed her by giving her half a day off at work unexpectedly when she had just tweeted about wanting more time to complete personal tasks and be lazy.

I immediately related to her. When I was working two jobs and trying to balance friends and church I often found myself wishing there were more hours in the day for "me time". One of the excuses that I had for not reading my Bible was that I just never had enough time. So I read on and then she said something that hit me as a profound truth that I had never realized before. It said, "Today I was riding the train, thinking about time, or rather, the lack of it. I do that often lately. LAst night as I was coming home past my bedtime I was pondering why it is so difficult for us humans to manage time. God created the world to give us the right amount of time. We have seasons, night and day, and they are all meant to bless us, not confine us. This must mean we end up confining ourselves."

Think about that for a second. All the verses in the Bible that say that God will provide for us our needs and we think of things such as food, clothes, and water but what I learned today is that this also applys to time. God has given you a purpose. Before you were born that purpose was decided and your days were numbered. God in His infinate wisdom has given you exactly enough time on this earth to complete that task which He has created you for. But we as sinful beings squander the time given us doing what we want to do, chasing after the temporal things of this world and filling our time with things that do not matter.

Do not confine yourself with something that God has created to bless you. Also, If you are doing that which is God's will and purpose for you don't worry about having enough time to complete it.


Matthew 6:31-32
31Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work:

Philippians 4:19
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Bathroom Etiquette

Ok so I know this is a bit of a... strange topic but, every time I go to use the restroom at my job I always witness some kind of restroom faux pas and it just irritates me. So, I am going to go through a couple rules for using a public restroom and hopefully make whoever reads this a better bathroom goer.

You are sitting at your desk, perusing the mall or standing in an hour long line at a theme park when suddenly the urge hits. You have to go to the bathroom and you have to go bad! So, you gather your purse and ID card, put the shirt you were looking at back on the rack or jump the guard rails and head to the public restrooms.

By the time you get there all you can think about is trying not to have an accident before you can sit on the polished porcelain and rush into the first stall that you see or, if you are at work, you rush into your favorite stall because lets face it if we've been there a few times we have a favorite stall. You lock the door behind you sit down and breath a huge sigh of relief that you made it. Unfortunately, whether intentionally or unintentionally you have broken the first rule of bathroom etiquette.

1. The Stall Between:

The stall between or the every other stall rule is oddly enough one of the most broken rules in the bathroom. I have to say that this is not just an annoyance to me but I have heard others in my office complain about this one as well. Whether you just don't think about it because you have to go so bad or whether you break this rule to obtain your favorite stall there is just no excuse for why a person (if available) shouldn't keep one empty stall in between you and any other occupants of the bathroom. This allows for a little bit of added privacy for the bathroom goer and is just polite. Every time this rules is broken in the bathroom I just want to ask the person next to me "Why?! There are 20 other stalls in this bathroom! Why did you have to pick the one next to mine?" Keeping a stall between you and the other pottiers, even if it requires you to give up your favorite stall is just good manners. I don't know about you but when someone is in the stall next to me it just adds a whole bunch of concerns(such as volume, aroma, cute shoes etc) and requires extra rules to be put into place. Note: This rule is void if bathroom is full or every other seating is not available.

2. The "Wait for it..." Rule:

If you are able this is a good rule to practice. When you are in the stall and you know that it's going to be noisy, you can just feel it ya know and there are other people in the restroom, there are a couple optimal times to let loose. a) When a toilet flushes and b) when a sink is in use. This rule is a flexible one and depends on several factors such as if you can wait for either of the optimal situations or if there are others in the restroom. Obviously if you are alone in the restroom or have diarrhea and absolutely can't hold it anymore then this rule doesn't apply. Going during these optimal times wont completely mask all the sounds but it will help the others in the room dismiss them sooner.

3. The "If It's Brown Flush It Down" Rule:

Now this one is a rule that benefits everyone in the bathroom. If you have to go #2 and it is stinky but you have to continue to sit there for awhile because you aren't completely done or you just feel like chillin, please for every ones sake, flush the toilet. Even if you are still using it, go ahead and flush the stinky stuff. This may seem a little weird but it will keep the smell from venturing out of the stall and will keep the whole bathroom smelling alot better. Believe me, others (especially those next to you) will thank you for it.




4. The "Personal Vanity" Rule:

When all is done and you leave the stall to wash your hands please follow this rule and don't spend forever infront of the mirror primping or preening. The public restroom mirror is not your personal vanity and there could be people in the stalls waiting for you to leave so they can follow rule number 2. Go in, do your business, wash your hands, fix a stray hair strand and then leave. Don't put on makeup, don't brush your teeth (oh yeah, it happens) and don't self analyze for ten minutes.

If you follow these simple rules you will make the public restroom experience a better one for all involved. I tried to do this post with as much class as possible but there is only such a level of class you can achieve when talking about this topic. lol

Review TVXQ "Keep Your Head Down"

Oh TVXQ how I love you! This has been my new favorite song ever since it came out a couple weeks ago. I love the energy and just the hugeness of the sound that fills your car speakers making you bob and dance while the people in the car next to you at the stoplight worry for their safety. I especially like the almost marching band sound that they throw in throughout the song with the horns and the drums. It gives it a very unique yet powerful sound that I didn't know could come from those instruments.

The Dance:

Now, my sister also reviewed this song in her blog recently and I have to say that her opinion of the dancing and mine are almost completely opposite. The video starts out with Uknow dancing with this scarf/powdery rope thing and I just cringe every time I see it. Pause the video at 4sec... To me he looks like a very grouchy person who has to pee really badly. Note to Uknow, puckering your lips does not make you look tough.

Anyway, 17 sec into the video Uknow throws his rag over to Max who then takes his turn dancing. I know this is gonna sound weird but I love his outfit! Hey, I can say that, I'm a girl. I really enjoy Max's dancing. To me it looks powerful and graceful at the same time. I mean, how many guys can almost pull off a pirouette and still look ok?




At 45 sec Uknow does this weird leap thing which reminds me of a leprechaun and then at 49 sec we have the ever so popular, among korean bands, lip touch/mouth wiping maneuver. Which, by the way, can be substituted for the traditional raunchy hip thrusting that was mentioned in my last blog.

1:43 is one of my favorite parts in the video. It is when Uknow, who's power is fire, calls the fire back into his hand and then extinguishes it by making a fist. Out of all the shows that I have seen people with this power are limited to making the fire and are not able to put it out at will. This to me reminds me a little about life. How often do we create these destructive "fires" in our life without possessing the knowledge or the skill of extinguishing them? How many people do you know that go around starting fires such as drinking or smoking or gossiping thinking that they can handle it and keep it under control only to have it spread and consume them. I know this might be reaching a little far but during that part I can just imagine this fire that is ravaging us, just consuming everything that we are and then we finally give it to God and in His hands it becomes but a small flame that he distinguishes in his fist. Love that imagery.

2:27 they are both dancing in there hideous, what were you thinking when you let them put this on you suits and Uknow who is on the left does a total John Travolta disco move. I mean, if he would have just pointed his finger it would have been perfect... and he may have been sued for copyright infringement.

My other favorite part of this video is at 3:39 - 3:50 when the horns and the drums really kick in and both Uknow and Max airdrum. Air drumming, always cool in my book lol

And lastly was the near miss high five at 4:09. This cracks me up every time I see it. I mean granted they are high fiving with their left hands so I'm wondering if that was perhaps the problem but I would think they would do the scene over until it didn't look so awkward or perhaps they should have practiced it more like "Dude I have to pee, High five!" "Dude, I'm going to bed, High Five!" Just saying.

The Costumes:

I actually really liked all the costumes in this video.. except for the suits which make their first appearance at 2:12. Like I said before, what were they thinking? This may be the reason why they never look at each other while they are wearing these suits because if they did they would burst out laughing at each other, hence the no eye contact. Strangely enough though they seem to be growing on me.

The voice:

Is it just me or is Uknow like the funniest sounding rapper ever?! Especially at 3:13 when he starts his final rap. To me he sounds like a Muppet and this is perhaps the reason why they gave him the ultra cool power of fire... compensation. Make the guy with the weird voice look cool so no one will notice. Max on the other hand has the lame power of making light where there is darkness, which could have been really cool but they just didn't do much with it, but has, in my opinion, the better of the two voices. About Max's power, you'd think he might have had lightning striking in the background or something cool like that but instead he just kinda stands there in this room where the walls look like they have been riddled with bullet holes and spreads out his hands like he is basking in the almost none existent light.

Anyway, it sound like I don't like this video but like I said before it is definitely one of my favorites and although a bit flawed I find it very enjoyable. Also, I am not a Uknow hater lol