Absence of Faith

One thing that I hate almost more than anything else is doubt. It creeps in, even into my most assured of plans and wreaks havoc in my mind and with my feelings. The worst part is that I can't even say that I don't understand it or how it works and if you understand something and how it works can't you control that thing or get rid of it? So then it becomes not a matter of can I defeat it but a question of whether I willing or not.

Doubt is the absence of faith. Whether it be faith in what God has told you or faith in God himself. My particular doubt comes from the latter. I heard once that most people's faith tends to come in spurts. God speaks to us and at that moment and for a few days, weeks, months, even perhaps years later we are determined and full of faith in that word which we have received. Then little by little the fire disappears and we cool off letting our faith wane. When we are not full of faith we leave room for doubt.

Soon come the questions, sometimes they are introduced by outside sources and sometimes they come from the places in your mind where the devil still has a stronghold. Questions like, "Are you sure you have been called to do this?" "Can you do this?" "Are you strong enough?" "Are you ready?"

As the time comes closer and things are set into motion for Japan these doubts have snuck into my mind. People very close to me have questioned my motives and my readiness which I must confess has shaken me. I am weak and I am flawed but I have heard all my life that it is when you are weak that God is strong and when you are known to be flawed that God will show his perfectness.

So where is the balance? When do you throw caution to the wind and just go for it? I guess it's when God says to go.

So, I am in prayer for this step and change in my life. I know that God is going to have to move supernaturally for me to go to Japan and that is what I am counting on.