Closed Doors are Answered Prayers

Sitting on my bed scrolling through my phone I felt a sharp pang of jealousy when one of my friends announced on Facebook that she is pregnant. The couple had only been married 10 weeks and she was 8 weeks pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for them. I only wish it was that easy for me to become pregnant.

There are couples that get pregnant easily and then there are couples that have a much harder time getting pregnant. My husband and I are one of the couples having a harder time.

Jason and I got married 3 years ago and he was eager to have kids just months after the ceremony. To be fair, he is 7 years older than me and approaching the age of 40, so he sometimes feels like it's now or never for having kids. Me on the other hand, I have not been in a rush to have children. I wanted to savor the time that it was just the two of us. At least for a couple years before we brought in any little darlings.

The Struggle

I struggle with Anxiety and Major Depression. Shortly after getting married I went through a really hard time with my health. Our first two years together I was in and out of the hospital and went through 2 Intensive Outpatient Programs. Needless to say there was no way that I could’ve handled going through a pregnancy during that time. Luckily, God has blessed me with the most incredible husband and we decided to wait to start a family and instead focused on getting me physically and mentally healthy.

As I write this entry my husband and I are entering our third year of marriage. Praise God my health is improving. As I get better the more my mind is turning towards starting a family. Jason and I both feel it's a good time to start a family and we've been unofficially trying to get pregnant for about 10 months now. 

Since we've been trying there have been a couple times when I thought I may be pregnant. Unfortunately, not long after I was convinced that we had finally done it, my period would always show up. Then, 4 months ago my period stopped and didn't come back. 

After 2 months with no menstrual cycle I again thought that we were finally pregnant, but test after test came back negative. I made an appointment to see my doctor after 2 1/2 months without having a period. 

During the appointment my OBGYN confirmed I was not pregnant. I asked her how I could get my period regular again. She said the only way to regulate my period was to go on birth control. I had told her that Jason and I were trying to have a baby, but maybe she had forgot, so I said, “But I can’t get pregnant if I’m taking birth control.” To which she replied that there really wasn't any other options. 

It was hard for me to believe that with all of the advances in modern medicine there was no way to regulate my period without taking birth control. Apparently I am mistaken though because the OBGYN matter of factly stated that with an irregular period I may not be able to get pregnant naturally and should consider other options such as adoption or In Vitro Fertilization.

I was shocked and truly sad at the realization that I may not be able to have a baby. Another month and a half passed by without my period starting. Despite what the OBGYN had said, I still hoped that somehow my body would fix itself.

Prayer Requests

Then, a week ago, I lay in bed next to my husband trying to quiet my mind and fall asleep. I hadn’t been praying recently and it had been months since I read the Bible. I think that secretly I was starting to give up on being close to God. The last few years had really robbed me of my joy and my faith was shaken. Things had been getting better in the last year but I was still very broken and now I may not even be able to give Jason the family that he so wanted.

You know that story in the Bible about the prodigal son? It's in Luke 15:11-32. After demanding his inheritance and leaving his father's house to live on his own the prodigal son was struggling, starving, and eating pig slop to stay alive. After enduring this for a time the son finally decided to humble himself before his father and beg to be allowed to come back into his father's house as his father's servant. When his father (who I think was waiting for his son to return) saw his son in the distance he was "filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him."

I am often just like the prodigal son. I distance myself from God thinking that I can live on my own only to end up in the lowest points of my life. At rock bottom I finally decide to humble myself and turn back to God. As soon as I turn to start the long hard climb back to my Heavenly Father, He is right there, embracing me.

So, I took myself off the throne of my life and asked for help. “Honey," I turned to face my husband's back. "I want us to pray about starting a family. Whether God wants us to adopt or do In Vitro or have kids naturally.” Jason turned to face me, hugged me tight, and we lifted the prayer before our Heavenly Father.

Every night since then I’ve brought my request before God saying something to the effect of, “My thoughts are not Your thoughts, and my ways are not Your ways. For Your ways are higher than my ways and Your thoughts higher than my thoughts. Help me to know Your will about Jason and me starting a family. Whether we should have kids naturally or whether we should adopt or try In Vitro. Whether is it your will or your timing that we should have kids at all…. And please make it really obvious, Lord, because you know how stubborn I can be.”

A few days later, my period came back.

Pushing on Closed Doors

The morning I started my period I was so happy that I starting singing God’s praises in the shower. Then a little later, the doubt set in. Is this God saying that I’m going to get pregnant or did my period just come back and I still can’t have kids? If I can have kids and I want to adopt can I do both?

I had recently started reading a blog about one couple’s journey of adopting a child from Japan. I have always wanted to adopt a baby from Japan but every time I looked I could never find an adoption agency who handled adoptions from Japan but the blog (which was from 2012-2014) named the adoption agency that they used. They're still in business!

I had a feeling that maybe I was rushing into things and wasn't really waiting for or listening to God's answer. But my husband and I are on a time crunch and why wait for the door to open when I could give it a little push myself? To adopt a baby from Japan both adopting parents have to be under the age of 45. In the blog I had read it took the couple 2 years to get a baby and my husband is only a few short years away from passing the allowable age to adopt.

I emailed the agency to see if they were accepting applications for international adoption. A couple days passed and I hadn’t heard back from the adoption agency, so I started searching once again for an agency that handled adoptions from Japan. It took an hour or two but I finally found one! So I sent the agency a quick email then started researching international adoption more thoroughly.

A little bit into my research of International Adoptions I came across the US Department of State Intercountry Adoption page. The most prominent part of the page was the Recent Adoption News and Notices section. I briefly glanced over the article titles. An notice released on April 2, 2018 caught my attention. It was titled “Adoption Notice: Accreditation Renewal Refusal for agency XXXXXXX, agency XXXXXXXXXX, and agency XXXXXXX. (Out of respect for the agencies I won't be listing their names.) 

Yes, you guessed it, the adoption agency that the couple from the blog had used and was my preferred agency was listed on the notice. Their Accreditation renewal had been refused and they wouldn’t be able to handle any international adoptions for who knows how long.

Then I saw the latest notice which was released on April 13th 2018 titled “Adoption Notice: Japan." Wow, a notice for the whole country? So I read it:

The Department of State is currently reviewing Japanese law regarding the transfer of custody of a child without a court order, which may affect a child’s eligibility for an adoption-based visa under the Immigration and Nationality Act. The Department urges families with pending I-600 petitions and immigrant visa applications based on the transfer of custody of children - if such applications do not involve a court order - to consider deferring their travel to Japan to complete the visa process at this time. The Department also urges adoption agencies not to make new referrals to U.S. prospective adoptive parents in such cases until further notice.

Please continue to monitor adoption.state.gov for updated information.

Just to be sure that I had received the message the same day I also got a response from the only other agency I’d found. It read:

Melissa, unfortunately the US Department of State is currently investigating the legal process of placing children with families internationally and has asked agencies to hold on accepting new families. When we have guidance from them on how they would like us to proceed we can begin accepting families into our program again.

“So, God… I'm getting the feeling you’re telling me not to adopt from Japan right now?”

Moving On

I admit it, I was and still am disappointed that my adoption dreams were halted before they really even started. You know what I realized though? I realized that God had begun answering my prayer. I had asked Him if Jason and I should adopt. He answered “Not right now”. He also heard my request to make His answer very obvious. I am constantly amazed that God chooses to hear us when we pray. Who am I that the God and maker of the universe would care for me, listen to my prayers, and answer them.

So far adoption has been a “no” or at the very least “not now”. Maybe getting pregnant and In Vitro will be "No" or "Not now" too. No matter the answer, I know I serve a holy God and a loving Father. Your will be done, Lord.

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. 1 Peter 5:6,7

Are Godly Relationships Possible?

The above image does not belong to me in any way. All copy rights belong to the owner.

Lately I have been considering relationships. Most predominantly, the special God given relationship between a man and a woman. As I thought on this subject, I found myself with an overabundance of questions and very few answers. How does one begin, grow, and maintain such a union in a Godly way? Can it be done? What does it look like?

The Folly of Searching

Looking back on all the relationships of myself and my friends, I can safely say that this is a struggle shared by most, if not all. Where can I find a good man?

²² Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. – Genesis 2:22

“God will bring them to you.” This phrase has been said to me by every married sister in Christ that I have ever spoken to on the subject of marriage. Yet I still looked. I still searched on my own for who “God” had planned for me.

The search for a mate slowly became my focus. My eyes would stray from the face of my Lord and Savior to scan those around Him for a possible connection. Every new face that came through the church doors was a potential boyfriend. Instead of focusing on God during the sermon, I would be scheming about ways to introduce myself to the cute new guy. Instead of reflecting the image of Jesus, I tried to reflect an image of worldly beauty. As the disciple Peter found out, taking your eyes off God, is never a good thing.

I like to imagine that when Adam awoke from his deep sleep, he saw the Lord walking towards him in the distance. As Adam and the Lord got closer to each other and Adam looked upon the face of the Lord, Adam all of a sudden noticed that the Lord was holding the hand of another person. Adam saw the Lord first, and in keeping his focus on the Lord he was able to see Eve.

Eve was with God, if Adam had been searching for her in another place, he would not have found her. In the same way, we must seek God first, and when the time is right, He will bring us to our spouse.

I Only Attract Bad Ones

I am so grateful that all my attempts to attract a mate have been unsuccessful. Why? Because I was trying to catch a guy with worldly bait. Beauty, wit, fun, mystery and so on. None of these are bad things when based in Christ. Apart from Christ, they are dangerous. Worldly beauty becomes skimpy clothes and sexual desire. Worldly fun will have you getting drunk and throwing all inhibitions to the wind.

Ask a Christian girl to recite her list of standards for her future husband and #1 will always be “He Must Love God”. So, why do Christian girls think that worldly bait will catch anything except a worldly man?

3 Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. - 1 Peter 3:3-4

It seemed that all my Christian sisters found the man God had intended for them at the same time that they stopped searching for him. Now I know why. It is only when our focus is on God that we reflect the person of our Lord Jesus Christ. That is the only bait that a Godly man will accept.

A Helper Comparable

¹⁸ And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”¹⁹ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. – Genesis 2:18-20

It wasn’t long before my impatience led me to seek a partner in places where a Christian should not be, let alone searching there for a partner. My standards became lower out of desperation. I began to consider those “not comparable” to me, as a viable option.

Some Bible translations use the word “suitable” in place of “comparable”. It is so important that partners be suitable/comparable to one another. Could you imagine if Adam had not trusted God as he did and settled for a Kangaroo instead of waiting for God to bring him Eve?

Christians and non Christians are as unsuitable and incomparable to each other as humans and kangaroos. Christians and nominal or luke-warm Christians are just as unsuitable and incomparable.

¹⁴ Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? – 2 Corinthians 6:14

More to Come

The desire for a relationship between a man and a woman is built into all of us. It is engrained and powerful. It is not evil or something shameful to be avoided. We are surrounded by people in its different stages. God is a perfect and loving father. He will not withhold any good thing from us. It may be hard for those in the beginning stages, those who have not been presented with their companion, but we must wait, keeping our eyes focused on our Father and trust that in His time He will bring one comparable to us.

In the beginning of this post I asked, "How does one begin, grow, and maintain such a union in a Godly way?" My thoughts on this topic are so long that I decided to break it up into those three categories.Begin, Grow, and Maintain. This post focused on Begin and I hope to post the others soon! Thank you for reading!

Weakness & Power

The following is an article I wrote for the Calvary Chapel Natomas emagazine called "CCN Connect Magazine" with the help of a fellow sister and editor extradonair. http://www.ccnatomas.com/index.php/about/ccn-connect-mag

I also do not own the above picture, any rights or credit to the image.

Like many Christians, I love what Paul says in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." These words always seem so encouraging and empowering, don't they? And yet there are times when I wonder, "If I can do all things through Christ, why do I fail so often? Why do I get exhausted in ministry? Why does it feel like difficult tasks chew me up and spit me out? Why does it often feel like my strength is nowhere to be found?

Yet in these very questions lie the answers to my dilemma. If I am honest with myself, and if you are honest with yourself, we'd both have to admit that the operative word we're tempted to focus on in verse 13 is "I". I'll tell you right now, it's my favorite part. Why? Because my carnal nature loves to feel self-empowered and is too often, proud of it. My pride and independent spirit join forces and in that moment, who needs God?

But something I have noticed as I grow in my relationship to Christ: God never strengthens those who think they don't need His assistance. End of story! And I'm not the only one to reach this conclusion. The same confident saint who wrote Philippians 4:13 also wrote 2 Corinthians 12:9 which reads, "He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Philippians 4:13 is one of those verses well-meaning Christians toss into virtually every difficult circumstance. But I wonder how many believers ever think about how these two verses are connected. Human weakness does not automatically qualify us to receive God's strength any more than being human automatically qualifies us to receive eternal life.We must choose to ask for and receive both or gain neither.

There must be a recognition of and surrender to the reality of our utter depravity apart from our Creator. And we must ask for and by faith receive God's supernatural strength which will enable us to do what the natural man cannot. Strength from Christ is the only strength that will allow us to "do all things", and the only way we will ever personally experience this powerful truth is when we humble ourselves and confess our need.

Over the past few weeks, God has given me the opportunity to understand this truth in a deeper, more personal way. Life just seemed to get harder and harder with each passing day. And I cam to a point where I'd had enough. No matter how deep I dug, or how far down within my soul I tried to reach, the cupboard was always bare. There was no strength or energy left to cope with the challenges I faced.

Completely overwhelmed and exhausted, I plopped down on my couch and cried. Thank God for the presence and wisdom of godly mothers. My mother sat quietly beside me as I poured out my desperate laundry list of perceived failures and inadequacies. I was ashamed to admit, even to her, that I could not keep up with everything and didn't know what to do. My strength was gone... period.

After listening to my woes, my mother wisely replied, "Maybe God wants you here, where you have no choice but to rely on Him."

I have to confess, that is not what I wanted to hear. My pride screamed, "I don't want to be a weak person! I don't want to have to rely on anyone for anything! I want to be an 'I can do all things' kind of saint." It wasn't until later that day that the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and I finally realized that I could not know the power of His strength without first understanding my own human frailties.

No, human weakness does not automatically equal God's indwelling strength. But when a human heart chooses to admit their utter helplessness apart from their Creator; when a soul surrenders their will to God and cries out in utter despair, 'Lord I need you!', they have the immutable promise of God to answer such a plea. And I cannot be an "I can do all things" kind of saint while depending on my own strength.

The Apostle Paul, in 2 Corinthians 12:10, said, "...power is perfected in weakness...for when I am weak then I am strong." I now understand this truth better today than yesterday. How about you?

Loving the Time of Small Things

As people, I think it is in our nature to want to do big things in our lives and it only makes sense because our world is a world that seems to only recognizes big things.

As we sit in school and learn about history we are only give the “big picture” and, for the most part, we only learn of major events. We are surrounded by reports and stories of great people who are “larger than life” and have done unbelievable things. We are taught to judge success by size, big houses, big bank accounts, big reputations, big deeds, big sacrifices, and even big churches.  It is hammered into us that the “important” and “prestigious” jobs are the ones where you are doing big things everyday whether it’s saving lives as a doctor, going into space as an astronaut, or bringing entertainment to millions of people as an actor or singer. We soon realize that it is the above that get recognized and praised by “the little people”. How can we not have a “go big or go home” attitude when that idea is constantly being pushed upon us?

I admit that I believed in that lie of the world. There were somedays when I would be sitting in my cube at work thinking about when I had all these big dreams of how my life would be and I would feel like an utter failure because I was “only” an office technician. That lie even discouraged me from giving to people. Like if I found out that one of my friends desperately needed a car, I would get so discouraged because I couldn’t go out and buy them one. I would consider praying for them or giving them rides but then would think “They don’t prayer or a couple rides here and there, they need a car!” and I would end up doing nothing at all.

It’s been just recently that God has started to work this lie out of my heart.  Ephesians 1:1 starts, “Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God…” Paul is recognizing that God’s will for him, at that time in his life, was to be an apostle. The very same can be said of us and where we are in our lives, such as, “Melissa, an office technician by the will of God.”  That means that no matter what I wish I could be doing, right now God has me as an office technician and I should be working, where He has willed for me to be, for His glory. I might consider my job as insignificant and the world may agree but if I am obeying God and glorifying Him in this job then God sees it and thinks it neither small nor insignificant. God may never will for me to be famous or rich but He has willed for me to know Him, obey Him, and glorify Him, that is the biggest thing ever and God doesn’t care what setting we do it in.

 Small things may also lead to big things.
 

Luke 16:10 ¹⁰ “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.”

I used to get so frustrated when I would decide that I wanted to do something big for God but it always seemed like it took forever to get past all the small things I had to do before I got to the big thing. For example, I had a desire to go to Japan on a missions trip and I just knew that when I got there people were going to be saved left and right. But, before I could get there I had to get a passport, get checked by my doctor, fill out applications, raise money, buy my plane ticket, and on and on. All those little details that needed to be “taken care of” before I could get to Japan and do something big for God. All that was just taking care of the physical things; as a Christian, there were also a lot of seemingly small spiritual things I had to do in preparation as well. 

We always seem to forget that it is the small things that make the big things possible. It is the small things that prepare us for the big things. It would be like someone deciding that they didn’t want to bother with the schooling and they were just going to start being a doctor and operating on people. Good idea?

 Do you think that Moses would have had the faith to part the Red Sea if he hadn’t spent years and years learning to have faith in the little things? 

God, thank you so much that you prepare us and that you consider great the choices, the tasks, and the heart of everyday things.

Zechariah 4:10, “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…”

What is Your Price?

Ok guys, so it has actually been a whole year since I have posted anything on this blog but let’s get back on the horse shall we?

 Zechariah 11:12,13 “12 Then I said to them, “If it is agreeable to you, give me my wages; and if not, refrain.” So they weighed out for my wages thirty pieces of silver. 13 And the LORD said to me, “Throw it to the potter”—that princely price they set on me. So I took the thirty pieces of silver and threw them into the house of the LORD for the potter.”

 This verse is a prophesy referring to Judas betraying Jesus for 30 shekels of silver. There are just some people in the Bible that I have never liked, people who I have never been able to connect with or relate to mostly. Judas has always been one of those people for me. Here was a man who walked with Jesus, he spent years beside Him witnessing His love, watching His miracles, and hearing His Word. Yet, he still betrayed the Son of God for 30 pieces of silver. How in the world was I supposed to relate to that kind of person? Then, I heard a sermon on the above verses and I realized that I am a Judas.

 Judas in a sense, wasn’t selling Jesus for 30 pieces of silver, he was selling his own soul. He was selling his relationship with Jesus and condemning himself to an eternity without Him. The pastor preaching the sermon then asked, “What is your price?” At what price do I sell my relationship with Jesus?

It was really sad but I realized that I “sell” my relationship with Him for the pettiest things and that really any price is petty. I will knowingly damage my relationship with Jesus so that I can enjoy the passing pleasure of a sin. I have sold God’s presence for a half hour show that my flesh loves to watch and when Jesus has asked me to spend time getting to know Him I have sold it for a few more minutes of sleep. Our relationship with our Lord and Savior is worth more than anything that this world can offer and yet we sell it for so little.

 3 Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, 4 saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.”

 And they said, “What is that to us? You see to it!”

 5 Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself. Mathew 27:3-5

 The money that Judas had betrayed Christ for became something that he didn’t want anymore. He realized that what he had sold was far greater than what he had received for it. That show I had wanted to watch might have entertained for a while but then I got bored or it ended and I had to wait until the next episode. The few more minutes of sleep weren’t that great and I was still tired or maybe it was great but once I got up it was gone and I gained nothing eternal from it. Isn’t it so like the world to say, “What is that to us? You see to it!”

I have sold my relationship with God to hang out with worldly friends who I had such fun being with but then when I was hurting or struggling they couldn’t help or disappeared saying, “What is that to us? You see to it!”

 I am just so thankful that our God is merciful and that He values a relationship with us so much that He would pay the price of His own blood, His own perfect Son to have that relationship with us. He paid the ultimate price for us, so let me not sell it for anything for everything is less than what it is worth.

 26 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? Mathew 16:26

 

Looking for God

It seems to me that I am being convicted a lot lately. As I avoid reading God’s Word under the excuse of being too busy or too tired and so naturally move further and further away from the image of God and more towards my flesh, when I do hear The Word it is in the form of conviction.

This last Sunday the sermon was on 2 Timothy Chapter 3 which talks about what the hearts of people will be like in the last days and how to avoid being insnared by deception during those times.

I have always been skeptical when people tell me that we are in the last days. Seems to me that every generation thinks they are the last and all Christians think they will live to see Christ’s return. I found myself adopting a “That’s what they all say,” attitude and consoling myself with the verse that says that no one knows the time or date of His return.

Then my pastor said something that changed my attitude and perception. He reminded me that we have been in “The Last Days” since Jesus ascended into heaven and that the reason that Christians in every generation since are so sure that He will return in their time is because that is what they sincerely hope for. They are looking at His quick return as a wonderful promise, whereas I have been looking at it as a threatening one.

Why? Why do I want Him to stay away? Whenever I think about His return I say to myself that I am not ready. There are so many things that I have yet to do and experience. What does that say about me except that I have entangled myself with the things of this world and have not set my eyes on the eternal.

I look a it as a strict father returning home and putting a stop to all my games and fun. His return means that I have to stop living my way and start living His. How sad and warped is my view?! I have the same view of God as the servant who was given one talent in the parable of the talents did in Mathew 25:14-30

14 “For the kingdom of heaven is like a man traveling to a far country, who called his own servants and delivered his goods to them. 15 And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, to each according to his own ability; and immediately he went on a journey. 16 Then he who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and made another five talents. 17 And likewise he who had received two gained two more also. 18 But he who had received one went and dug in the ground, and hid his lord’s money. 19 After a long time the lord of those servants came and settled accounts with them.
20 “So he who had received five talents came and brought five other talents, saying, ‘Lord, you delivered to me five talents; look, I have gained five more talents besides them.’ 21 His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ 22 He also who had received two talents came and said, ‘Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.’ 23 His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’
24 “Then he who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.’

The first two servants loved their master and looked for His return with great expectancy. They came to him as little children come to a loving father, so excited to show him what they had done to please him in is absence.

The other servant looked at the master quite differently than the first two. He looked upon the master not as a loving father figure but as a cold hard slave owner who he “knew” to be “a hard man” and looked for his return with dread.

Why do I see God as the servant with the one talent saw his master? I say with my mouth that I love Him and I sing of wanting His return and of His greatness but I live as a spoiled child trying to get as much as I can before the Father comes to claim me.

Change my heart, O God.

Spiritual Fitness

I joined a gym recently. I got to a point where I just couldn’t stand being so out of shape, I remembered how I looked and felt a few years ago in my physical peak and I longed to be like that again. I have tried a couple times to be active and to change my eating habits but though my intentions were good I never stuck with those changes long enough for them to make any difference. It took me awhile to get into the sad shape I am in and it was a slow process in getting here and filled with excuses and justifications as to why it was ok. I remember looking in the mirror every once in a while and convincing myself that it wasn’t so bad or that just a few changes were necessary and easily applied if I wanted to fix it. I was and am jealous of those who were fit and skinny because they “were/are that way naturally” it seemed.

Well, I joined a gym and I started going 3 times a week. I got a couple sessions with a personal trainer and I was so excited! About a week later I was complaining to my roommate about how my trainer had worked me so hard the day before and about how I was sore and tired and yet had to back to the gym today. She lovingly admonished me and lectured me on how it would be hard at first and a chore but that it was for my best and the price I had to pay to reach my goal of physical fitness.

When she said that I thought that the same could be said of our Spiritual health and fitness as well. The thought came and went quickly and I didn’t give it much attention after that. That is until I listened to a sermon on 1 Timothy 4:6-8 “6 If you instruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed. 7 But reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness. 8 For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.”

It is very interesting that Paul uses the example of physical fitness to describe our spiritual growth and health. Just like our physical bodies require special attention, serious effort and hard work to be healthy so our spiritual being requires the same. Spiritual growth and maturity in Christ does not come naturally or come automatically. Many people think and some are even taught that just by sitting in the pews on Sunday they are going to absorb spiritual maturity and leave the church spiritually healthy and in shape. There is a partial truth to that but as we know from the whole Garden of Eden/snake incident, partial truths are dangerous. Going to church and sitting in the pews is a great thing and God commands us to fellowship and to gather with the saints but we deceive ourselves if we think that just sitting in the pews will give us spiritual maturity and fitness.

So how do you exercise yourself towards godliness? 1. By cutting unhealthy things out. This is one that I struggle with greatly both spiritually and physically. There are so many delicious sins out there and just like someone who wants to be physically fit has to quit eating all that junk food, if you want to be fit spiritually you must quit filling yourself with things that are bad for your spirit. Hebrews 12:1 “1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,”

What is weighing you down as a Christian? What’s holding you back? What junk are you filling yourself with instead of God? If you are unsure ask Him and He will tell you. Whatever it is cast it aside and run after Jesus. Get rid of the baggage, the distractions that have attached themselves to you or even that you yourself are holding onto and just let it go.

What is hard is that sometimes we like the junk, it tastes good, and it’s fun. Sometimes they are even good things like school, friends, family, hobbies and relationships, but you have to ask yourself if you are allowing those good things to take you away from the Best thing, the only thing, that really matters and that is a relationship with Christ Jesus. It may be that whatever is weighing you down isn’t sinful and so you convince yourself that it is ok that you keep hold of it. Remember the parable of the sewer who sprinkled seeds that fell on different kinds of ground. Don’t let yourself be tangled and choked out by the things of this world. Don’t let your spirit suffer and neglect God because you are to busy with other things. Drop them and run to Jesus.

2. You must add good things in. But in order to add things in you must have first cut things out to make room for the things that you need to add in. “I don’t have time to read my Bible or go to Church.” Cut out things in your life until you have time. They might be really “important things” but nothing is as important as knowing and spending time with God. So if you don’t have room to do number 2, go back to number 1 and keep going back and making cuts until you do have room. 2 Peter 1:5-7 “5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.” Chase after these things.

Now, before I go on about Spiritual Fitness I have to make a disclaimer. None of this matters or is relevant if you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. If you are dead spiritually then no matter of exercise is going to help, you are still dead. Jesus says that He is the vine and we are the branches. The branch is connected to the vine at all times, not just Sundays, and if it’s not then it is dead and cannot be nourished and cannot grow or bear fruit. Jesus said that without Him we can do nothing. We have to be connected to Jesus all the time engaging in our relationship with the Lord and fellowshipping with Him. Only then can we bear fruit. We cannot just hop on and off the vine for a little nourishment now and then, it’s just not possible, we are either connected to Him and bearing fruit or we are cut off and thrown into the fire.

3. Engage in activity or ministry. In order to be truly physically fit, diet is never enough and in fact diet is perfected by exercise. For spiritual health there must be an outpouring of the things God has blessed you with. We tend as Christians in this country to just receive and receive. We have knowledge about so many Godly things and truths and yet we never share them or pour them out and people are dying around us. We know a lot of things but we do nothing.

We must be proactive in our pursuit of God. It is called our Christian walk, walking is an action, it moves us forward, even backwards sometimes but it moves us. We need to move spiritually. Actions more than intentions tell us what we truly believe. It truly amazes me sometimes at how we are willing to spend all this effort and time into looking good on the outside when our spiritual man lay on his deathbed inside. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to seem like a chore sometimes but we must persevere if we are to become spiritually fit.